Why Pre-marriage Counselling is Important

Perhaps you've met The One, and you're already plotting the perfect wedding. But before you get preoccupied with picking out the flowers or saying “yes” to the dress, hit the pause button for a second.

Consider this: While creating a memorable wedding day is incredibly exciting (and, let's face it, stressful!), creating the basis for a marriage that thrives after the ceremony's over and the party packed up is even more crucial.

You can start now before you take those vows. Perhaps you can meet with a marriage counsellor who can guide you in setting the proper foundation for a marriage that will endure time and the gale-force strength of trials.

Don't skip premarital counselling; it can uncover unrealistic expectations and the messy baggage you both haul into your relationship and help you work through potential issues before they mushroom into major concerns.

Perhaps you're still waiting for Mr. or Miss Right, currently living with someone, recovering from a bad breakup, or gun shy about re-entering the dating world after a failed first marriage. Whether dating or waiting, you can make positive changes within yourself now that will set the stage for a successful marriage later.

Maybe it's adjusting your “list” of what's desirable in a potential mate, setting sexual and emotional boundaries to safeguard your heart, or learning to dispel the many myths our culture perpetuates about sex, romance, and true love.

No matter the current state of your love life, premarital counselling by a professional Marriage and Family Therapist is a must for those who wish to have successful marriages. It is better not to get married in the first place than to find yourself undergoing the pain of an abusive and failed marriage.

Mistakes Most People Make Before Marriage

They don’t define their relationships. They feel their way through relationships, trying to discern from their emotions how they should treat the people in their lives. Emotions are good; they add energy to life and make our decisions more effective by raising our motivation.

However, when we turn over the direction of our lives to the whims of our emotions, we guarantee unpredictable outcomes. Please use your brain and not your heart to remain logical when making key decisions in your relationships, particularly marriage!

People neglect to ask, “Are we at the same level of commitment or development in our relationship?” Few of us get real training in relationships, so we make assumptions rather than discussing the subject rationally and intentionally.

Before committing to marriage, ensure that you are both at the same level of commitment, including details such as whether you want children and when to start having them, the family's religion, financial commitments, etc.

Some people overwork the issue of defining relationships and overanalyze every aspect. It is wise to discern if the two of you have what it takes, not just to be happy, but to work through the rigours of adult life together by asking:

His Perspective:

• Does my work ethic match the size of the goals I say I want to accomplish?
• Am I willing to do domestic chores with a good attitude?
• Do inconveniences make me angry to the point of being destructive to my relationships?
• Am I experienced in delayed gratification?
• Am I humble enough to believe that sometimes the woman I love is right?

Her Perspective:

• Does my work ethic match the size of the goals I say I want to accomplish?
• Am I willing to do domestic chores with a good attitude?
• When my partner cannot help me with something important, do I get angry with him or applaud him for his hard work?
• Am I experienced in sharing control?
• Am I secure enough to accept constructive criticism from people I don’t want to disappoint?
• Am I humble enough to believe that sometimes the man I love is right?

Marriage counselling creates a safe and private space for couples to talk and express themselves without judgments or biases. In this space, you can talk about your most personal experiences while your therapist is a supportive guide, helping you sort through your thoughts and feelings.

This environment encourages you to openly express your concerns and emotions without fear of criticism, fostering a supportive environment for your healing journey.