Healing a Broken Heart: The Science of Heartbreak

Loving and being loved is one of the fundamental human experiences. The desire to connect with others is essential for our survival and is a critical component of our biology and our psychology. In infancy, babies need their mother’s nurturing to grow and survive; in adulthood, coupling is necessary for reproduction and companionship.

Therefore, it is inevitable that at some point in life, these connections will be broken, sometimes temporarily, like at the end of a relationship, or permanently, in death or relocation. Understanding the neurobiology behind the rupturing of a connection can give us opportunities to heal ourselves. What happens when we experience heartbreak?

• The brain produces three types of neurotransmitters: dopamine (the reward hormone), serotonin (the mood stabilizer), and oxytocin (the love hormone). These three neurotransmitters cause us to experience feelings of attachment, well-being, and euphoria associated with bonding. When we lose a connection, i.e., heartbreak, the levels of dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin plummet, causing feelings of withdrawal and loss.
  
• Pain processing areas are activated. Just like in physical pain, when we experience a rupture in an emotional connection, the areas concerned with pain processing in the brain are activated. Hence, the hurting is almost like physical pain.
  
• The body’s stress response is activated. The stress response is characterized by an overproduction of cortisol hormone and adrenaline, which makes the body hyper-alert, muscle tension, hence the loss of sleep and fatigue.
  
• Memory consolidation. The brain also goes on a rampage to consolidate memories associated with the lost relationship. Hence, we find ourselves thinking, rethinking, and replaying memories related to the lost relationship.

How can one actively engage one's brain and body in healing?

• Natural ways of producing dopamine- the reward hormone. Examples include setting small achievable goals and achieving them, exercising, listening to your favourite music, or engaging your brain in learning something new. Serotonin, the mood stabilizer can be naturally produced from basking in the sun, eating foods containing tryptophan e.g. bananas, eggs, and chicken aids your body to produce tryptophan naturally. And finally, Oxytocin ( the love hormone) can be activated by connecting with others, hugging, holding hands, practising gratitude, reconnecting with self and giving and receiving kindness.

• Activate your stress management coping strategies just like you would with any other stressful event. Some useful coping strategies include talking to someone, self-care activities, exercise, and journaling.

• Rephrame the brain's interpretation of pain. Challenge negative thoughts with more meaningful interpretations; consider reviewing your narrative about what happened and the fears you hold of the unknown )

• Help the brain create new neural pathways by creating new memories. This can be done through travel, engaging in new activities or learning something new.

I hope these tips were helpful. If you’d like to speak with a therapist to explore any of these ideas further, reach out to the author of this article at this link.