Surviving a Crisis in Marriage

Crisis is an inevitable part of married life, regardless of our wishes otherwise. Over time, it’s natural for a husband and wife to face their fair share of challenges. Issues like health concerns, sexual difficulties, financial hardships, or struggles with a child can undermine the foundation of any marriage. Unfortunately, many couples today either end up merely going through the motions or even choosing to divorce. However, it doesn't have to end that way.

While crises are unavoidable, the breakdown of a marriage is not. By sticking together, continuing to honour one another, and relying on God for wisdom, comfort, strength, and provision, couples can endure these trials with their relationship intact. In fact, the marriage can emerge stronger and more secure than before. Things can get rough for extended periods, and at times, it can feel hopeless. But by holding on and leaning into God, we may be able to look back in amazement at how we not only survived but grew closer together.

The Bible reminds us that God "sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous" (Matthew 5:45). This means we should all anticipate the "storms" of life affecting our marriages. So, how can we prepare to ensure our marriage's foundation remains strong during a crisis? Every couple encounters challenges they would rather avoid—job losses, severe illnesses, financial setbacks, the death of loved ones, and more. These life storms place tremendous stress on us and test our marriages.

When crisis strikes, some couples not only survive but also grow stronger and more united. Others struggle through the pain, and some marriages don't survive the crisis. So, what makes the difference? The key lies in how spouses respond during the crisis. Do they offer each other comfort and support, or do they withdraw emotionally and place blame? Do they allow friends and family to help, or do they isolate themselves? Do they cling to their spiritual life, or do they rely solely on their own understanding and abandon their faith?

Marriages that survive crisis share three characteristics:

1. The couples view marriage as a sacred institution to which they are deeply committed.

This commitment offers stability and helps them endure even the toughest challenges. While this resilience is essential in any marriage, true longevity demands more than just a strong commitment to the institution itself. If commitment is the only thing holding the marriage together, the relationship can eventually become stagnant and emotionally empty.

2. Survivors are dedicated to their marriage as a relationship.

The man shares any dark time with his wife by holding her close and reassuring her through tears that even if things got worse, they would survive together. In this way, a man isn’t just committed to the institution of marriage but rather shows devotion to his wife. When a couple nurtures their sensitivity to each other's needs, protects their relationship from the demands of time and the pursuit of material success, and practices mutuality—giving and receiving in roughly equal measure. This way, they prioritize the well-being of their relationship, even when it requires sacrificing personal comfort. Together, they endure the heartache and pain of their crisis, and their marriage will emerge even stronger because of it.

3. The vital faith and commitment to God.

Vital faith understands the importance of seeing the bigger picture. Life doesn’t always go according to our plans, and everyone faces pain. Often, the most profound lessons come from experiences we wouldn’t choose. God uses these personal experiences to build our capacity to handle life’s crises. By learning to trust Him in smaller challenges, we become better equipped to trust Him in larger ones. Married Christians need to be wary of adopting a “Teflon mentality”—the belief that pain, stress, and hardship can’t truly affect us and will simply slide off. While it’s true that Christians aren’t of the world, we are still in it and do experience pain and stress. However, we don’t have to let these challenges overwhelm us.

“When two people hold on to each other during a crisis and share their emotions with a God they both trust and love, they become intertwined and connected on the deepest level.” (Cheri Fuller) “While one person may be overwhelmed, two can stand strong together. A cord woven with three strands is not easily broken.” (Ecclesiastes 4:12).

At Giving Hope Counselling Services, we specialize in marriage and family therapy because we genuinely care about your family's well-being. Our dedicated therapists empathize with your struggles, listen to your concerns, and work with you to resolve issues, ensuring your family can thrive again. Let us help you rebuild solid and loving relationships. With Giving Hope, your family's happiness and health are our top priorities.

Peter Mugi Kuruga | Counselling Psychologist/Marriage and Family Therapist

Reference

Fuller, C. (2011). When Couples Pray: The Little Known Secret to Lifelong Happiness in Marriage. Multnomah.

Resources for Overcoming a Marriage Crisis

Marriage.com - Highlights eight frequent issues that couples face in marriage, including communication problems, financial stress, and intimacy challenges, offering insights into understanding and addressing these common struggles.

The Gottman Institute - Provides ten practical tips for improving marital relationships, focusing on strategies like enhancing communication, expressing appreciation, and fostering connection.

VerywellMind - Discusses various typical marital issues and offers solutions to help couples navigate challenges such as conflict resolution, balancing responsibilities, and maintaining emotional intimacy.