Daniela Stanciu

Overcoming 10 barriers for starting therapy

Maybe you consider psychotherapy as a possible solution, but you don’t dare yet to act in this direction, the decision of starting the therapy being a difficult one for you. Most probably, this happens because there are some barriers, some dysfunctional thoughts that prevents you from taking action. Here you are some examples of questions, dysfunctional thoughts and the alternative realistic thinking that helps you to overcome these barriers.

I cannot stand to be in the position of a vulnerable person!

You think that if you are going to therapy, you are not able to handle situation by yourself and you equal this to being weak, unworthy. A critical voice could whisper or shouting probably most of the time things like: “You are such a lousy person!”, “Don’t be a loser, showing your vulnerability!”

Alternative realistic thinking: Like any other human being, I just encounter a difficult period now, I accept it, and, at the same time, I have the courage to ask for help. I choose not to stay in an unbearable situation, but to stand up for myself. So, it’s about courage, not weakness!

It takes time and money!

Considering that therapy is expensive and time consuming, you postpone or refuse it, remaining in a burdensome situation. Although you think that you save money and time, you could spend even more time and money because of some dysfunctional coping mechanisms which bring you relief in the moment, but guilt in the long run.

Alternative realistic thinking: I deserve the best for me! My health and well-being are invaluable, without these, money wouldn’t be an asset anymore, because I couldn’t enjoy those things I could buy. Instead of running away from my emotions, using alcohol and gambling – an illusory aid, I can invest time in therapy, taking steps towards the life I dream of.

I want to be the person in charge!

The thought of going to therapy scares you, because you think you will not be in control. The idea of getting out of your comfort zone makes you anxious and that’s why you avoid leaving it.

Alternative realistic thinking: The therapist is only the specialist guiding me in my journey of personal growth and I have the right to choose what I do, decide about the objectives, tell her/him if there is something that doesn’t resonate with me, if the pace is not the right one for me and son on. Even if stepping out of my comfort zone is scaring, as long as I am committed to make small steps, my comfort area will expand.

What would the others say?

You are preoccupied with others’ opinions and any idea that you will not have their approval or, even worse, they will blame you, is tormenting you.

Alternative realistic thinking: Does it worth looking for others’ approval at the expense of my authentic self? I can choose the best things for me and start learning to tolerate others’ disapproval, under the therapist’s guidance.

I don’t want another person to judge me!

You are afraid that the therapist will judge you. This could be the more scaring the more you had been criticized in your childhood.

Alternative realistic thinking: The therapist is not a judge for me, but an ally, helping me in healing the old wounds, guiding me to find the best solutions. She/he is also a human being with strengths and weaknesses, and he has already traveled to personal growth in order to become the professional who is today. That means he knows this process from inside, better than anyone.

How could a therapist offer me solutions when she/he doesn’t know me?

You question the therapist’s ability to help you because you are a stranger for him. In addition, maybe you tried so many solutions and you are so disappointed that they didn’t work, that you refuse to choose another one.

Alternative realistic thinking: Indeed, at the beginning of therapy, the therapist doesn’t know me, but if I talk sincerely about my problems and life history, my personality unfolds, and she/he will know me better and better. Moreover, the specialist will not offer me solutions, but will support me in the process of making my own choices.

My life is such a mess now! How could “talk therapy” help me?

From your perspective, things are so bad, that therapy wouldn’t be of much help. Probably you consider that if it isn’t something concrete (a pill, a specific medical procedure) couldn’t be efficient.

Alternative realistic thinking: Instead of remaining in this mess, being like a hamster on its wheel, I can choose to do something different! Even if the therapy is not a magic solution, something fast forward, it’s important to begin this process of healing the emotional wounds, of using my resources in order to reach the well-being. Even if at first glance it seems that talk therapy couldn’t be so efficient, it’s worth trying because it offers me the opportunity to talk about my fears and to have on my side a specialist listening to me and guiding me through the challenges’ maze.

I’ve got used to this situation. Why should I bother to change something?

Thinking this way, you consider that you can continue to endure the situation. But does this sound like giving up, like being a drifting boat, not using its sails on a stormy weather?

Alternative realistic thinking: I can go to therapy, allowing the therapist to be the lighthouse for me. This way, I offer myself the opportunity to have guidance for sailing even in turbulent waters and at the end of this process the helplessness, pain and sadness will be replaced by hope, healing, and joy.

No one understood me until now. Why this time things should be different?

It sounds that you have the feeling that no one was there when you needed and this was so painful for you, that now you don’t want to take the risk not to be understood again.

Alternative realistic thinking: Even I have this feeling now, things could be different, because this is the role of the therapist – to help me make sense of my experiences, become aware of some patterns that I cannot see without the specialist’s help, so that I can weaken them and have the life I want.