Guard Yourself Against Becoming A Marital Fool

Do you ever find yourself entangled in the need to prove yourself right during conflicts with your spouse? Instead of focusing on resolving the issue, do you persist in arguing until you've established your superiority? Is there a risk that, in prioritizing your need to be right, you neglect the importance of nurturing your relationship? Beware of the pride that can ensnare us, leading us to foolishness despite our claims of wisdom. “Professing to be wise, they became fools” (Romans 1:22).

Are you easily triggered into annoyance, which spills over into unkindness? In marriage, it's common to become overly comfortable and allow ourselves to act on angry impulses without restraint. But how does this benefit our relationship when it involves intentionally hurting our partner? We often overlook the fundamental aspect of being partners in marriage. “Fools show their annoyance at once, but the prudent overlook an insult.” (Proverbs 12:16).

In your marriage, be vigilant not to slip into the patterns of passive listening and speaking impulsively. “Let the wise listen and add to their learning, and let the discerning get guidance.” (Proverbs 1:5). “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.” (James 1:19)]. Whenever feasible and prudent, take the time to slow down and carefully consider which battles are worth engaging in. As the saying goes, treat each argument like your second plate at a buffet—be discerning about what you add to it. This rings true because initiating conflict is like opening the floodgates; it's wiser to prevent the dispute before it escalates. “To start a conflict is to release a flood; stop the dispute before it breaks out.” (Proverbs 17:14).

• A fool “Trusts in himself.” “Those who trust in themselves are fools, but those who walk in wisdom are kept safe.” (Proverbs 28:26)

A fool “Gives full vent to his anger.” “A fool always loses his temper, but a wise man holds it back.” (Proverbs 29:11)

"Do not be quick to anger, for anger resides in the heart of fools" (Ecclesiastes 7:9). "The words of a fool bring them to ruin; their speech traps them" (Proverbs 18:7). Even when your spouse is venting anger, you're not obligated to join in. Remember the wisdom: "Do not answer a fool according to his folly, or you yourself will be just like him" (Proverbs 26:4). Taking time out and stepping away from heated moments can be wise. It allows both parties to regroup and address the issue in a calm, respectful manner. Ultimately, "The quiet words of the wise are more to be heeded than the shouts of a ruler of fools" (Ecclesiastes 9:17).

Certainly, we all find ourselves playing the role of a marital fool from time to time. It's our hope that these reflections have been as beneficial to you as they have been to us, prompting necessary corrections when needed. Confessions, apologies, and a commitment to change may be necessary steps. As you engage in prayer about these matters, allow God to guide you in discerning the appropriate actions.

Above all, both in your marriage and in your everyday life, heed the advice of Ephesians 5:15–17: "Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity because the days are evil. Therefore, do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is."

This is our prayer for you, and for ourselves as well. May each new day be embraced as a fresh start and a gift from God. Remember: "Each day is a gift; that’s why it is called the present!"

At Giving Hope Counselling Services Centre, we have a passion for the welfare of families and always assist our clients in resolving their issues. Call/WhatsApp us at +254721240462 or +254733932470, or email us at info@givinghope.co.ke to book a counselling session.

Peter Mugi Kuruga | Counselling Psychologist/Marriage and Family Therapist