Five Ways Porno Hurts Our Sons and Daughters—and How Parents Can Help
It details how easy it is for our children to be introduced to pornography, how harmful it is and what parents can do to help their children
When kids are only told by adults that sex is bad and they shouldn’t get involved in it, they get curious and suspect that they are not getting the whole story. If parents don’t provide a full and healthy picture of sex, children will go looking for answers elsewhere and unfortunately this elsewhere will most likely be pornography.
On average, most kids encounter porn at the age of between nine and eleven years old, and the ordinary porn is however becoming more extreme, violent and even degrading. The ease of access through the internet and smartphones has made it very easy for pornography to invade our children’s lives, hearts and minds which leading to devastating consequences. Find below five ways that pornography brings harm to our sons and daughters and also practical steps parents can take to protect and guide them:
1. Pornography Sexualizes Our Kids
The word “teen” is one of the most searched for word on porn sites for many years and at times it even ranks the number one search. This implies that millions of people are searching for images and videos of minors. If porn sites are getting more traffic than Amazon, Netflix and Twitter combined, the reality is that the number of people who want to watch kids having sex is staggering. This huge demand is sexualizing our children, making them know they have become objects for consumption. This encourages children predators, normalizing a very harmful habit. As parents we must ask ourselves is: “What kind of messages are our daughters and sons absorbing concerning their value and identity?”
2. It Steals Their Innocence
Starting with very provocative advertising and over sexualized music videos, our adopted western culture reinforces the idea that children may be viewed as sexual objects. These days even eight-year-old kids can perform very sexy songs wearing sexy lingerie and the audience that at times includes their parents will just cheer them on. When our children are exposed to such sexualized music content, they easily learn that they need to be sexy so as to gain attention and approval. This is how our porn saturated culture is shaping their minds. That their value or worth depends on their physical appearance and sexual appeal.
3. It Causes Shame, Guilt, and Depression
Our children’s curiosity about sex comes naturally and without guidance, tweens and teens often seek internet pornography to learn, but what they find is unhealthy sexuality that is distorted and often a violent depiction of sex. The pornographers are telling them this is the sexual experience. Deep down, they know they’ve seen something they shouldn’t have seen, but their brains can’t make sense of it. They quickly get exposed to harmful and often graphic sexual content that their young brains cannot comprehend. These images get burned into their brains forever. This leaves them confused, feeling shame and guilt and at times disgust but are tempted to return to those sites again. As they have no one willing to talk to them about what they have seen, they internalize these experiences leading to higher rates of depression and anxiety.
4. It Creates Addiction
Their consumption of porn makes the brain release large amounts of dopamine which gives the feeling of pleasure in its rewards center. This gives the user the urge to come back again and forms a connection with the image (a connection meant for a person).
This exposure over time builds an addictive cycle and the younger the child is exposed the greater does this addiction become. Since the feeling of euphoria helps them forget about their problems momentarily, watching pornography easily becomes an unhealthy coping mechanism for coping with stress, boredom and emotional pain. Unfortunately, this leads to emptiness that requires watching even more pornography instead of providing satisfaction and the cycle continues.
5. It Fuels Disconnection and Disrespect
Watching porn distorts what one expects in sex and relationships. Instead of recognizing sex as a deep intimate connection with someone in a committed relationship, children learn to see it as a selfish pursuit of getting off. Pornography tends to reduce people to objects, removing the emotional and relationship aspects of intimacy. A good and rich life is found in relationships. Sadly, this porn culture is leading our sons and daughters far from them. The best thing you can do is educate your kids about the lies and the dangers of pornography. Start early when they are young because they are bound to encounter it and will need you to help them make sense of it. Keep the line of communication open and engage them in conversation so they don’t go it alone. Left alone, children struggle to form healthy relationships and to respect others when they interact in real life situations.
HOW PARENTS CAN HELP: PRACTICAL STEPS
As their parents, we can’t assume that our children will not be exposed to pornography. We must therefore educate and equip them as follows:
1. Start the Conversation Early
Instead of waiting until they have been exposed, we need to begin age-appropriate conversations about sex and relationships early. Teach them that sex is a beautiful, God-ordained act meant for marriages and not a taboo or shameful.
2. Be the Trusted Source of Information
When we don’t talk to our children about sex, another person will, and this may be their peers, the internet or even the media. We need to give them a honest and biblical understanding of sexuality so that they will not be seeking answers elsewhere.
3. Teach the Difference Between Healthy Sexuality and Pornography
We need to teach them that pornography is a harmful and false form of sex. Train them on how real love and intimacy require emotional connection, respect and commitment, not self-gratification or treating partners like objects.
4. Set Boundaries for Internet Use
We need to learn how to use parental controls on internet-connected gadgets like tablets, TVs, phones and computers so as to filter content and monitor online activity. We may also encourage device-free zones and set time limits for screen use.
5. Keep Open Communication
Let our children know that they can approach us with all types of questions without getting punished or feeling shame. When they admit watching porn, show them grace and guidance rather than condemn them.
6. Model Respectful Relationships
Model for your children what healthy, loving relationships look like. How you treat your spouse and speak about others and show self-worth will shape how they view sex and relationships.
7. Pray and Stay Engaged
While parenting in this digital world is challenging, if we remain intentional and offer guidance and prayer, we will manage to equip our children so that they are able to navigate it well. We must pray God to give us wisdom in our conversations with our children and also stay actively involved in our children’s lives.
Let us educate our children very early in their lives and keep our communication lines open so that we assist them in rejecting the lies in pornography and teach them to embrace a healthy and God-fearing view of sexuality.
At Giving Hope Counselling Services, we understand the unique challenges parents face in raising children in today's fast-paced, internet-driven world. Navigating issues like screen time, online influences, and communication gaps can feel overwhelming, but you don’t have to do it alone. We are here to guide you in resolving differences with your children, fostering open and meaningful conversations, and strengthening family bonds. Our goal is to help you create a healthy, loving family environment where both parents and children feel heard, valued, and connected.
Peter Mugi is a qualified Family Therapist, based in Kasarani, Nairobi, Kenya.
With a commitment to mental health, Mr Kuruga provides services in English and Kiswahili, including Counselling (Career), Counselling (Divorce), Counselling (Family), Counselling (Marriage), Individual and Couple Therapy, Marriage and Family Therapist Associate, Mediation, Online Counselling / Phone Therapy, Relationship Counselling and Stress Management.
Mr Kuruga has expertise in Addiction (Drugs and Substances), Adolescent Counselling, Behavioural and Emotional Problems, Bereavement and Loss, Divorce and/or Separation, Family Problems, Parenting Issues, Pre-Marital Counselling, Relationships and Marriage Problems and Suicide Ideation / Survivor.
Click here to schedule a session with Mr Kuruga.
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