Children's Behavioural Problems and How to Solve Them
Whether you're parenting a lively child or navigating the challenges of a strong-willed one, it's normal to encounter certain behaviour issues from time to time. How you handle these behaviours significantly influences whether they will persist. The most effective way to manage child behaviour problems is through consistent, age-appropriate discipline. Amy Morin, a psychotherapist, licensed clinical social worker and an international bestselling author of three books on parenting lists ten behavioural challenges in children and practical ways to address them below:
- Lying
- Defiance
- Too Much Screen Time
- Food-Related Problems
- Disrespectful Behaviour
- Whining
- Impulsive Behaviour
- Bedtime Behaviour Problems
- Aggression
- Temper Tantrums
- References
1. Lying
Children typically lie for one of three main reasons:
- To seek attention
- To avoid punishment or dodge responsibility
- To hide a problem
Understanding why your child is lying can guide you in choosing the most effective response. When you discover a lie, try asking, “Is that what actually happened, or what you wish had happened?” Reinforce the value of honesty by making truthfulness a core family principle and establishing “telling the truth” as a clear household rule. When it’s appropriate, apply a consequence for lying—but only after giving your child the opportunity to be honest. Also, be sure to praise and positively reinforce truth-telling, especially when it’s difficult or could lead to consequences (AACAP, 2017).
2. Defiance
Whether your child ignores a request to clean up their toys or yells “no!” when asked to stop a certain behaviour, defiance can be challenging to handle—especially for parents raised in strict, authoritarian homes. However, it’s a common and age-appropriate way for children to test boundaries as they grow. When faced with defiance, use a simple “when…then” statement, such as: “When you pick up your toys, then you can watch TV.” If your child doesn’t follow through, apply a related consequence. With consistent follow-through, your child will begin to respond more promptly to your instructions.
3. Too Much Screen Time
Struggling to enforce screen time limits is a common issue. Whether your child throws a tantrum when it’s time to turn off the TV or sneaks in extra time on your phone, excessive screen use can be harmful to their development (Muppalla et al., 2023). Set clear, consistent rules around screen time. If your child begins relying heavily on devices for entertainment, distraction, or emotional comfort, it may be time to cut back even further. Lead by example. Try implementing regular family-wide digital breaks to help everyone learn to engage and function without screens.
4. Food-Related Problems
Whether your child is a picky eater, constantly claims to be hungry, or sneaks food outside of mealtimes, food-related behaviours can become a source of conflict and may even impact their relationship with food and body image over time. Take a proactive approach by teaching your child a healthy mindset around eating. Emphasize that food’s main purpose is to nourish the body—not to serve as comfort or entertainment. Rather than catering to individual preferences at every meal, provide one well-balanced option for the whole family and set clear boundaries around snacking.
5. Disrespectful Behaviour
Disrespect can show up in many forms—like name-calling, throwing objects, or mocking. If not addressed properly, these behaviors often escalate over time. If your child is acting out to gain attention, sometimes the best response is to ignore it. Demonstrate that behaviors like sticking out their tongue won’t get a rise out of you. When your child uses unkind language, calmly and firmly correct them, reinforcing that such words are not acceptable in your home. Above all, model respectful behaviour yourself. Let your child witness you treating others—whether it’s a cashier, a co-parent, or them—with kindness and respect.
6. Whining
Whining is an unhelpful habit that often continues because it sometimes gets results. To prevent it from becoming a bigger issue, it’s important to show your child that whining won’t help them get what they want—while also giving them positive attention when they communicate appropriately. Help your child learn healthier ways to express difficult emotions like frustration or disappointment. For example, teach them that calmly saying, “I’m sad we can’t go to the playground today,” is much more effective than whining about how unfair the situation is.
7. Impulsive Behaviour
It’s common for young children to act on impulse—toddlers and preschoolers may lash out physically, while older kids might say hurtful things without thinking. To help your child develop better impulse control, praise them whenever they pause to think before acting or speaking. For instance, you might say, “I’m proud of how you used your words when you felt angry,” or, “It was a smart choice to walk away when you were upset.” Also, teach your child skills for managing anger and building self-discipline. As they learn to handle their emotions, their ability to manage their behavior will improve as well.
8. Bedtime Behaviour Problems
Bedtime struggles—like refusing to stay in bed or insisting on sleeping in your room—are fairly common. But without proper guidance, these habits can lead to sleep deprivation, which is linked to increased behavioural issues and potential health problems in young children (Hosokawa et al., 2022). To encourage better sleep habits, set clear bedtime rules and stick to a consistent nightly routine. Consistency is crucial. Even if you have to walk your child back to bed multiple times in one evening, stay the course. With time and repetition, their bedtime behaviour will start to improve.
9. Aggression
Aggressive behaviour can show up in different ways—like throwing a book out of frustration or hitting a sibling in anger. Some children act aggressively because they haven’t learned healthy ways to express their emotions, while others may be perfectionists who struggle when things don’t go as planned. While it's typical for toddlers and preschoolers to show some aggression, this behaviour should lessen as they mature and develop coping skills. Respond to aggression right away with appropriate consequences. Remove your child from the situation, apply a logical consequence, and encourage them to make amends if someone was hurt. If aggressive behaviour continues or worsens over time, consider seeking professional support.
10. Temper Tantrums
Tantrums are most common during the toddler and preschool years, but they can persist into early school age if not addressed early and effectively. One of the most effective ways to manage tantrums is to remain calm and avoid giving in. Show your child that yelling, stomping, or throwing themselves on the floor won’t achieve their goal—but that you’re available to help them calm down. It's equally important to teach healthier ways to communicate their needs and how to express frustration appropriately (Sukhodolsky et al., 2016).
If your discipline strategies aren’t working or your child’s behaviour begins to interfere with school or social life, consult a healthcare professional. They can provide guidance and check for any developmental delays, learning challenges, or medical conditions that may be contributing to the behaviour.
References
AACAP. (2017). Lying and Children. The American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry.
Muppalla, S. K., Vuppalapati, S., Pulliahgaru, A. R., Sreenivasulu, H., & kumar Muppalla, S. (2023). Effects of excessive screen time on child development: an updated review and strategies for management. Cureus, 15(6).
Hosokawa, R., Tomozawa, R., Fujimoto, M., Anzai, S., Sato, M., Tazoe, H., & Katsura, T. (2022). Association between sleep habits and behavioural problems in early adolescence: a descriptive study. BMC psychology, 10(1), 254.
Sukhodolsky, D. G., Smith, S. D., McCauley, S. A., Ibrahim, K., & Piasecka, J. B. (2016). Behavioural interventions for anger, irritability, and aggression in children and adolescents. Journal of child and adolescent psychopharmacology, 26(1), 58-64.
Peter Mugi is a qualified Family Therapist, based in Kasarani, Nairobi, Kenya.
With a commitment to mental health, Mr Kuruga provides services in English and Kiswahili, including Counselling (Career), Counselling (Divorce), Counselling (Family), Counselling (Marriage), Individual and Couple Therapy, Marriage and Family Therapist Associate, Mediation, Online Counselling / Phone Therapy, Relationship Counselling and Stress Management.
Mr Kuruga has expertise in Addiction (Drugs and Substances), Adolescent Counselling, Behavioural and Emotional Problems, Bereavement and Loss, Divorce and/or Separation, Family Problems, Parenting Issues, Pre-Marital Counselling, Relationships and Marriage Problems and Suicide Ideation / Survivor.
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Important:
TherapyRoute does not provide medical advice. All content is for informational purposes and cannot replace consulting a healthcare professional. If you face an emergency, please contact a local emergency service. For immediate emotional support, consider contacting a local helpline.
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