Ways To Turn Your Wife On

Do you remember those times early in your relationship when the world seemed to disappear when you made love, lost in each other’s embrace? If that intensity has cooled and sex isn’t as eager, fun, and adventurous as it used to be, it is time to get back on track—back to thrilling sex.

1. Let your wife be a woman, and show your appreciation

You married that woman because you were attracted to her differences, including the fact that she cared enough to ask questions about yourself and your day. So, let her be different. Allow her to be the communications expert she naturally is. A man must accept a woman’s top needs—affection, communication, and commitment—and learn how to read her. The prevailing winds of a woman change every day, and even from hour to hour. A man who can adjust to those changes, approach her sensitively, meet her needs, and ensure she feels loved creates the environment of warmth a woman craves.

In short, let her be a woman. Take her out for a nice dinner. Show your appreciation of her femininity when she dresses up for you. Whistle at her and touch those curves, showing you still desire her. Surprise her with a haircut or facial appointment, and don’t wince when you see the bill. Smile and compliment her on how beautiful she looks.

2. Listen, but don’t problem-solve unless she asks.

When your wife talks, she isn’t necessarily giving you that information to go from point A to point B. She is talking because she is processing information or an emotion and wants to share that with you. Most of the time, she will already have decided what she needs to do, but she longs for you—the strong, wise man you are—to empathize with her. That something she’s telling you may or may not seem important to you, but you should treat it as important. When she talks, you need to listen actively. Listening in between commercials or with a grunt won’t satisfy her need for conversation.

Little things matter to a woman—texts to tell her you’re thinking of her, a quick phone call amid your business trip, a surprise flower to say, “I love you”. Your involvement and interest in the little and big things of her day make all the difference in the health of your marriage.

3. Be her rock

Your wife wants you to be the strength she can count on, that immovable force who will protect her and your family against anything, whether it’s the neighbour who’s angry because your son trampled his flower bushes, a mouse that has taken up residence in your cereal cabinet, or an ex who keeps showing up uninvited. Your wife wants you to be the strength she can count on, that immovable force who will protect her and your family against anything, whether it’s the neighbour who’s angry because your son trampled his flower bushes, a mouse that has taken up residence in your cereal cabinet, or an ex who keeps showing up uninvited.

Because women are wired innately to be relational, they also care intensely about relationships. Along with that caring comes deep emotion, which sometimes leaks out in a form we men dread—tears. Most men don’t know what to do with them. But the “rock” man, when he sees tears, needs to gather his wife in his strong arms, let her cry it out, and hold her until she’s ready to talk about it. I guarantee, gentlemen, that if you do that, it doesn’t matter whether you’re short or even weak, but you shall be her Samson!

4. Get active—both inside and outside the bedroom

If a man only makes love to his wife in the bedroom, both are missing out. He needs to make love to her outside the bedroom. I’m talking about helping. Think of it this way, men. Every time you carry the laundry up the stairs for your wife, take out the garbage or vacuum the hallway, and bring milk home from the store, you gain points of respect with your wife. You say, “I’m a man who can be counted on to help with whatever you need.” A woman whose husband serves her practically will be a much more willing participant in their bed because she appreciates his efforts and respects him as a man. Sure, she looks capable, juggling all those tasks. But that doesn’t mean she wouldn’t welcome her husband’s help or that she doesn’t need it.

A woman who has a good sex life tends to experience less stress in life. She knows she’s in good hands with her husband because he has her best in mind. That man is willing to do anything for his wife. In response, he gains a partner willing to do anything with and for him.

Peter Mugi Kuruga | Counselling Psychologist/Marriage and Family Therapist

Dip. In Counselling, B.Com. M.A., PhD in Marriage & Family Therapy (Ongoing).