Toxic Positivity

We all want to be positive, build positive connections, look at our positive self and learn to have a positive attitude. But do we realize this can be harmful, self-destructive and toxic? Yes! positivity can be toxic and self-sabotaging…

Let us understand the concept of toxic positivity. “Toxic Positivity” is the belief that no matter how difficult a situation is, one should be and maintain a positive mindset. This approach focuses on “good vibes only”… It is an obsession with positive thinking.

While there are benefits of optimism and positivity, when it is the only option or compulsion, it can be a false charade and a façade that rejects difficult emotions favouring the pretence of forced cheerfulness. Toxic positivity urges and forces a person to look at positive aspects, even after a devastating loss or trauma, thus neglecting the grief or justified sense of loss.

An example of this can be :

“Telling a parent who has lost their child to be happy and assert that they can have children still and justifying this by saying everything happens for a reason.”

Why is toxic positivity harmful?

Toxic positivity can harm people going through difficult times by trivializing the experience, silencing the negative emotions, demeaning grief, and forcing them to be happy. It adds pressure to normalize things when they are already struggling through trauma or grief.

It pressurizes people; as a result, rather than sharing genuine human emotions, and have unconditional support and regard, people find their feelings dismissed, ignored and invalidated.

We need to remember that toxic positivity can also be self-imposed in an attempt to heal pain and trauma. This can be due to the internalization of social conditioning, where being positive is the only solution to the problem. Toxic positivity can also be due to faulty belief that one must stay positive, come what may, along with a fear of being judged or stigmatized.

Toxic positivity can lead to ignoring or neglecting the serious underlying problems. It can result in low self-esteem, negative thoughts, isolation, personal neglect.

How to overcome toxic positivity…

We need to normalize the experience of negative emotions and accept our emotions as they are. We don't have to deny them; rather, we experience them in totality and be realistic about what we feel. We need to understand that it's ok to feel more than one emotion. We do not have to avoid, ignore or block our emotions.

Everyone is entitled to their own feelings, even if they are different. Therefore, do not invalidate other peoples feelings. Instead, show support and validate their experience. It may sound cliched, but it is ok not to be ok, be realistic and do not dismiss other genuine emotions in favour of forced positivity.

If you are experiencing a difficult situation, do not force yourself to be ok or be positive; rather, be open to the experience and let genuine emotions surface.