Resolve Grievances Quickly—Don’t Let Them Pile Up
When resentment builds, emotional walls rise—and intimacy suffers. I have a compassionate, practical approach to resolving conflict, before it hardens into disconnection, that works.
Are unresolved issues creating distance between you and your spouse? We all face challenges, but letting them go unaddressed can lead to growing separation—both emotionally and physically. Unresolved grievances can build an invisible wall between you. That’s why it’s crucial to handle them as they arise. As Bill Hybels wisely says, don’t let frustrations pile up or turn into resentment. Anger is often rooted in deeper hurt, and acknowledging that hurt can help break down the barriers between you.
Many situations can create conflict and build walls between husbands and wives. The real question is—how do we respond when communication breaks down and hostility creates distance? If left unresolved, resentment can grow like a disease, leading to deep division and an unhealthy relationship.
A Plan for Restoring Peace and Tearing Down Walls
Like a skilled carpenter, we should focus on breaking down the walls that divide us and building bridges to restore communication. When conflicts arise in marriage, we must be intentional about resolving them rather than letting them pile up. As the author Dr. Sharon Hart Morris wisely said:
“Whatever you do, don’t allow your hurts to remain unresolved! The longer you leave them, the harder you will have to work to restore emotional connection to your relationship.”
We've learned that grievances, if left unchecked, can grow, distort through our perceptions, and cause serious harm to our marriage. That’s why addressing them quickly is crucial. It’s much easier to work through issues before they solidify into long-term resentment. Once patterns of conflict harden, change is still possible—but it may require serious effort, like breaking through concrete.
I learned long ago not to hold onto grievances. Resolve issues quickly so they don’t build up and become overwhelming. We've seen couples stack up complaints until everything collapses, leading to intense arguments. Holding onto grudges can become overwhelming and lead to major conflicts. Address issues as they arise to maintain a healthy relationship. Keep conflicts short-lived.
I completely agree with Dr. Sharon Hart Morris when she says, “unresolved hurts only make restoring emotional connection harder. The longer grievances linger, the more they grow and distort through personal perspective, causing deeper harm to the marriage”.
It’s crucial to address issues openly and resolve them as soon as possible. As Gary Chapman explains in Covenant Marriage, when conflicts go unresolved for years, couples may start seeing each other as adversaries, always on the defensive and expecting attacks. This mindset erodes trust and intimacy, which is definitely not the foundation of a strong, healthy marriage.
I share this to remind you that each day holds something unknown—tomorrow isn’t guaranteed. Do your best to resolve conflicts quickly and keep short accounts, no matter how long you live. It benefits you in countless ways.
Address your differences and resolve conflicts quickly before small issues turn into major problems. If they’ve already grown, seek the help you need to work through them one step at a time. Don’t wait—start now!
At Giving Hope Counselling Services, our expert therapists are here to help you navigate and resolve conflicts in a healthy, constructive way. With compassionate guidance, we’ll support you in breaking down barriers, restoring communication, and strengthening your emotional connection. Don’t wait until small issues become overwhelming—let us help you build a strong, lasting marriage today!
References
Chapman G., (2003). Covenant Marriage, Building Communication & Intimacy. Broadman & Holman.
Morris S. H., (2007). How To Argue So Your Spouse Will Listen: 6 Principles for Turning Arguments into Conversations. Thomas Nelson.
Peter Mugi is a qualified Family Therapist, based in Kasarani, Nairobi, Kenya.
With a commitment to mental health, Mr Kuruga provides services in English and Kiswahili, including Counselling (Career), Counselling (Divorce), Counselling (Family), Counselling (Marriage), Individual and Couple Therapy, Marriage and Family Therapist Associate, Mediation, Online Counselling / Phone Therapy, Relationship Counselling and Stress Management.
Mr Kuruga has expertise in Addiction (Drugs and Substances), Adolescent Counselling, Behavioural and Emotional Problems, Bereavement and Loss, Divorce and/or Separation, Family Problems, Parenting Issues, Pre-Marital Counselling, Relationships and Marriage Problems and Suicide Ideation / Survivor.
Click here to schedule a session with Mr Kuruga.
Important:
TherapyRoute does not provide medical advice. All content is for informational purposes and cannot replace consulting a healthcare professional. If you face an emergency, please contact a local emergency service. For immediate emotional support, consider contacting a local helpline.
Find a Therapist
Find skilled psychologists, psychiatrists, and counsellors near you.
