My Mother was Diagnosed with Alzheimer's

My mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s Disease in June of 2014. My mother made her transition on September 4, 2020. The last time I saw her in person was in January of this year. I wrote about my Mom in 2019 “My Mom has Alzheimer’s and I feel very: COMPLETE.

This may seem odd that I would say this but as a grief counsellor with the Grief Recovery Institute in California, I have learned that it is important to stay current and present with one’s feelings. I have learned that if you have something to say to someone, say it NOW! Don’t wait because you never know when the last conversation with someone will be. We, humans, tend to put off what we need to say, whether it is “positive” or “negative”. This is a grave mistake. Saying what is in our minds and hearts in a clear and non-attacking way has so many benefits but one of the main benefits is this:

When we speak our truth in love without attack, we are adding clarity to a world that so often seems chaotic. Speaking our truth in love without attack lets the world know who we are and where we stand. And, when we speak this way, we can walk away knowing we did our part to move a relationship forward.

I said I feel complete with my mom because I have said to her all that I need to say up to this point. This does not mean that I have nothing left to communicate to her. I talk with her every 2 or 3 or 4 days. However, the conversations now are mostly about this very moment and not about much from the past. But I do know that she knows I love her and I am grateful for all that she did for me and she also knows this. I still write her letters and tell her that I love her and list the many things I am grateful for and she understands this in this now moment and then she will forget until I tell her again. She knows that I am a safe person and she trusts me.”

I continued to write my mother letters. In fact, as soon as she got the diagnosis, I wrote her a letter or a note and sent pictures at least five times a week; thus, I wrote over 1600 letters to her these last 6 1/3 years.

The reason I am telling you this is because though I am terribly sad that my Mother’s feet are no longer on earth, I truly believe that the essence of who she truly was, is in the hearts of everyone who loved her. I know I feel this essence of love in my heart for my Mother. Though many tears have passed through my eyes since her feet left the planet, the tears feel sweet and cleansing and they are filled with love.

And so, I am telling you this today because if you are willing to begin now to make sure you are up to date in “heart-communications” with your loved ones when they make their transition, your experience of the grief will be a sweet one that is filled with love. It will be painful, of course, but you will not feel that you will drown in your grief.

Albus Dumbledore from the Harry Potter stories, said: “GRIEF IS LOVE” Thus, to the degree that we love to that degree, will we feel grief.

Grief is defined by The Grief Recovery Institute as the “conflicting mass of human emotions” that we experience after all loss. And if we have done our emotional work around those that we love, to that degree will be able to be present to this mass of emotions in such a way, that we honour them because they flow from the love, we have for the one who has passed.

So, my dear friends, I invite you to obtain a copy of THE GRIEF RECOVERY HANDBOOK , and do the work in that book. It will bless you now, help heal the past and enable you to be fully present to those whom you love including yourself. A benefit of doing this work NOW is that build a lovely bridge to your inner self, or to your soul. You will discover dreams that were always on the back burner, but because of unresolved loss and therefore grief, you may have never believed they could come true.

Further, if we don’t deal with these losses, that come from the 40 or more losses that we humans experience, they do interfere with our ability to authentically connect with ourselves, others and even the Divine, however you experience a higher power. In fact, some people, (more like many people) make their transition without ever having felt safe to be present to themselves and others.