Making Our Marriages a Refreshing Fountain

Don’t you enjoy a lovely fountain? It’s refreshing and enjoyable to watch. But did you ever think about marriage as a fountain—especially a living and active fountain that is refreshing rather than draining? Proverbs 5:18 – “Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth, a lovely deer, a graceful doe.”

Of course, this fountain goes both ways for the husband and the wife. We should work to find ways to “bless” and “rejoice” our spouse amidst all that goes on in our married life together. Even through tough times, we can make that our aim and work to make it so eventually.

Eight Ways to KEEP FROM Draining Life Out of Our Marriage

1. Deal with Past Hurts. Ken Sande calls pretending you’re okay about a conflict to keep the peace " a “Peace Faker”. You may keep the conflict quiet, but it won’t go away. At some point, the geyser will blow, and your fountain will be high and dry.

2. Believe the Best of Your Spouse. When they tell you something, believe them; don’t second guess. If you don’t trust your spouse to tell you the truth, you have deeper issues that need attention. And you need to work on that, if it is so. We should; we must think the best or the waters of our marriage fountain will become polluted with suspicion and complaint.

3. Trust Your Spouse to Love You Completely. [That may be difficult for some of you. You may be in a “building” phase concerning this trust issue if your spouse somehow betrayed your trust. But work with your spouse to try to rebuild it.] If we hold back emotionally, we rob our spouse of what we promised to give them on our wedding day. We must stay faithful to our vows, for our vows hold the marriage together when the feelings wane. When our spouse expresses affection, embrace it, don’t question it. This keeps the water in your marriage fountain flowing both ways.

4. Intentionally Pursue Your Spouse. When dating, no one had to tell you to pursue them; they were all you could think about! When we get married, the need to do this increases because if we don’t, we will begin to drift apart. It’s like taking away one side of the marriage fountain and hoping all the water will stay in place.

5. Give Your Spouse Your Complete Attention. This one isn’t so hard before you have children, at least not as noticeable. The husband especially can feel pushed aside when the mothering instincts kick in. But if you propose to look each other in the eyes when talking, it will prevent you from communicating on autopilot. And please, put those devices aside when your spouse is talking.

6. Study Your Spouse. As the years pass, you will both change. You must continue to learn about who your spouse is becoming. If you don’t take care of this regularly, you’ll wake up one day and say, “Who are you?” We’ve seen this happen far too many times. Know what is on your spouse’s mind and heart. Know what is worrying them. Know what they are dreaming about. This will keep the waters of your fountain clear and refreshing, not old and stagnant.

7. Stay Current with Your Spouse. Don’t assume on yesterday’s understandings. Take the time to talk about what’s important, including dreaming about the future together. This is the natural give and take found in a functioning fountain.

8. Touch Each Other Often. This may be given in your relationship, but many couples stop showing affection as the years pass. Kiss often. Kiss long. Hold hands when walking. Put your arm around your wife as you walk the mall. Be physical. Intimacy isn’t just for the bedroom; it starts with a goodbye kiss in the morning and a welcome embrace when you are together again at the end of the day.

How have you kept your fountain operating in the way it was created to function?

Are there any of these that you have neglected in your own relationship?

What can you do today to implement the needed changes?

"The only way to stop a leak in a fountain is to fix it.”

Peter Mugi Kuruga

Dip. in Counselling, B.Com., MA in Sociology (Counselling), PhD in Marriage & Family Therapy (Ongoing).