Importance of Setting Clear Marriage Rules and Commitments

We want to encourage you to take up a challenge in your marriage journey. Every couple needs to intentionally create and agree on a set of rules and commitments to live by for “as long as you both shall live.” Even if you haven’t done this before, it’s never too late — doing it later is still better than never doing it at all, and it can even help repair areas of strain in your relationship. Your marriage is far too valuable to leave important matters unspoken. Living together without clear agreements is like building a home without a plan — you might manage for a while, but sooner or later, cracks will show, and major repairs may be needed (Cindy and Steve Wright).

One of the biggest issues in many marriages today is that couples rarely talk about what truly matters. Have you and your spouse ever openly discussed the boundaries, rules, or promises you both feel are essential for your marriage? For example, no yelling, no physical aggression, and not sharing private matters with outsiders. Or have you simply hoped things would somehow work out on their own? If you haven’t had these conversations, chances are you’re making assumptions — and that can be risky for the health of your relationship.

Creating a list of Marriage Rules or Commitments (whatever name you choose) can bring great clarity to your relationship. We encourage you to take the time and effort to do this, as it’s a vital step that strengthens your bond and draws you closer to one another. It also serves as a reminder to honour the promises you made to each other on your wedding day. To guide you in creating your own list, we’ll share the principles that we recommend you practice and uphold daily in your marriage. You’re free to use them as they are, adapt them to fit your relationship, or come up with an entirely unique set of your own.

TEN MARRIAGE COMMANDMENTS

1. We will never use the word “divorce” —not as a threat, nor as an option in our marriage.

Conrad Smith wisely advises: “Remove the word divorce from your vocabulary.” He explains it this way: Imagine you’re on the 10th floor of a building and you smell smoke. If there’s a fire escape, you might run. But if there’s no escape, your only option is to put out the fire. In the same way, when couples remove divorce as an option, they are forced to work through challenges and strengthen trust. However, when divorce is used as a threat or a tool of manipulation, it deeply damages the relationship.

2. We will always communicate and act with respect.

This means avoiding name-calling, sarcasm, eye-rolling, mocking, or any degrading words or behaviour.

3. We will guard our marriage by setting healthy boundaries.

We will protect our integrity and commitment by creating safeguards that keep us united. To the best of our ability, we will not allow anyone—including family—to cause division between us.

4. We will make major financial decisions together.

Any significant purchases (apart from groceries) must be mutually agreed upon—unless it’s from personal funds, such as birthday or gift money.

5. We will face problems as a team.

If one of us has a problem, we both have a problem. We commit to working through challenges together, living by the motto, “All for one, and one for all.”

6. We will turn to each other in times of crisis.

In difficulties, we will move closer—not further apart—while giving grace and space when needed. Our goal is to endure hardships together as faithful partners.

7. We will protect each other’s dignity.

We promise to honour and build each other up—both privately and publicly—never tearing each other down.

8. We will intentionally invest in our marriage.

At least once a year, we will do something purposeful to strengthen our relationship.

9. We will support each other’s relationships and callings.

We will encourage one another in family ties and friendships—provided they do not harm our marriage emotionally or physically. We will not allow anyone or anything to create division or separation between us.

10. We will serve together as partners.

In family life and ministry opportunities—especially in strengthening other marriages—we will work side by side, united in purpose and mission.

These “commandments” are our promises to each other and to our families, who benefit from the strength, joy, and stability of a loving marriage. Let us live with complete transparency, especially with each other, showing that we are fully committed to building a marriage that is healthy and protective.

At Giving Hope Counselling Services, our experienced Marriage and Family Therapists are here to walk alongside you and your spouse in creating strong and lasting foundations for your relationship. We will expertly guide you in developing meaningful “marriage commandments” that are uniquely suited to your marriage—practical commitments that strengthen your bond, protect your love, and help you honour the vows you made to each other. Together, we’ll help you build a relationship that thrives in unity, respect, and lasting joy.