How to tell a child about the death of a parent.

Communicating a Death report is not easy especially in a relationship between the child and a parent.

1. Choose an emotionally stable person to convey this message because you don’t want to breakdown before you even communicate the message. It should be a close family member, in case of the loss of a mother then the father is the most suitable to convey the message. This gives the children a feeling of safety despite what has happened. It is important to give details of exactly what happened. E.g. an accident, suicide, sickness, natural death etc.

2. Use simple but accurate words to explain death. e.g. "I have some sad news”. Mummy died today." Pause to give your child a moment to take in your words. Depending on the child age you may need to explain death and what it means. e.g. Every person is able to live, move and do activities because they have life and they are able to breathe. When they stop breathing, all organs of the body stop & they enter into an eternal sleeping mode and that’s when we say someone is dead. Every one of us will one day die. It just that we don’t know the day and the time & when it comes we accept it.

When you tell a child the mum is sleeping you will meet again in future, you have not communicated death instead you have built hope that is not real. Making this child grow up hoping to meet mum.
When they become knowledgeable, they will know you lied to them and trust is lost. This is some of the reasons why the death of a parent still hurts even in their adulthood. The ideal way is to say as it is.

3. Explain to the child(ren) what to expect. E.g. since this happened, we have notified people that knew mum, friends and relatives and they shall be coming to our home every evening for a week to mourn with us as well as helping us plan for the burial, this means you wouldn’t go to school this week. What would you like to help in? ushering the guest or serving tea e.t.c. When they tell you sorry for the loss, respond in kind by saying thanks or thanks for coming.

4. Listen and comfort. Every child reacts differently to learning that a loved one has died. Some kids cry. Some ask questions. Others seem not to react at all. That's OK. Stay with your child to offer hugs or reassurance. Answer your child's questions or just be there for the child.

5. Give your child a role. Having a small active role that the child can participate in as in a funeral or memorial service. For example, you might invite your child to write & read a tribute, pick a song to be played, gather some photos to display, or make a card.

6. Help the child express emotions into words. Encourage children to say what they're thinking and feeling following the loss. Talk about your own feelings: It helps the child to be aware of and feel comfortable with theirs. Say things like, "I know you're feeling very sad. I'm sad, too. We both loved mummy so much, and she loved us, too.“

7. Talk about funerals and rituals cultural practices e.t.c. The burial will be in a weeks time at this place. Depending with the child age and understanding its important to allow them to choose and decide if they want to take part, and how. You may hear people saying they are paying their last respect because you will never see her again but she will remain in our hearts. If they would be comfortable to join in rituals like viewings, funerals, or memorial services. You can stay near them and hold their hands if they want to be held.“ Viewing a body’ normally takes place at a Funeral Home or home. If your child decides that he or she wants to view the body, then they need to know something about what it will be like. Inform them that mummy will be lying still and not breathing or talking. Perhaps they could make a card that they could place in the coffin. Tell the child ahead of time what will happen. For example, most people that knew mum will gather on that day.

We will sing, pray, and talk about mum's & life her good deeds. Tell the children that. They may also write something nice about mum you can read it during the service. You might need to explain burial or cremation. E.g. After the funeral, there is a burial at a cemetery. The person's body is in a casket (or coffin) that gets buried in the ground with a special ceremony. You may be expected to throw in soil in the grave first, this can feel like a sad goodbye, and people might cry. Allow your thoughts to Focus on the happy memories about mummy and these will bring a good feeling that helps people start to feel better.