Father's Day And Marriage

A marriage and a child both require two people. On Mother's Day, we honour one-half of this partnership. Recognizing the crucial role mothers play in marriages and families is important. Yet, when Father's Day arrives five weeks later, we often overlook the other half of the equation. We forget that men also play a vital role in marriage and family life.

Men have a distinct way of expressing love and imparting a sense of value and self-worth to their children. This is just as essential for children as the love and nurturing from their mothers. When a father is absent and unable to provide his unique contribution, children suffer, just as they do when a mother is missing.

Truly Celebrating Father’s Day

“How do fathers give this ‘special gift’? Celebrating Father’s Day truly means celebrating marriage. As author Theodore Hesburgh says, ‘The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.’ Steven Stosny, PhD, echoes this, stating that children ‘need fathers to live for them, to value them, and to value what they most value—their mothers.’

“What do we call a loving, uplifting, committed, and publicly recognized relationship that produces children between a man and a woman? The answer is marriage! Ultimately, marriage provides the social framework in which fathers can thrive. A father does his best when he loves his children’s mother and publicly commits to her. “Psychiatrist Scott Haltzman offers suggestions to help you become the world’s best dad by being the world’s best husband:”

‘Keep your eye on the prize.’

Your marriage is ‘the prize.’ Don’t let anything, including your career or hobbies, take precedence. After the honeymoon, continue your efforts to court her before marriage, ensuring she always knows she’s still your top priority. As Dave Willis aptly puts it:

“Don’t put your marriage on hold while raising your kids, or you’ll end up with an empty nest and an empty marriage.

“I’ve seen too many marriages fall apart because two well-meaning people focused so much on their kids that they forgot to keep investing in their marriage. Some couples reduce their relationship to a co-parenting partnership, and when the kids finally grow up, they discover they have an empty nest and an empty marriage. Give your children the gift of seeing their parents in a loving, thriving marriage. Model the kind of marriage that will make your kids excited to be married someday.”

Spoil Your Spouse

“It’s often said (and it applies to wives, too), ‘Spoil your spouse—not your children.’ Your children are watching and will love you for it. Here are some important points that support this idea:

“If you consistently push your spouse aside for time with the children, consider what you teach them. By the way you treat your spouse, are you modelling the behaviour you hope they will adopt with their future spouses? Likely not. Spending time with your spouse strengthens your bond and teaches your children that the marital relationship is the primary human relationship.” (Dr. Debbie L. Cherry)

Realize:

“The state of your marriage influences your child. The more warmth and love between you and your spouse, your child will be happier and healthier. Conversely, the more alienated your relationship, the more it can negatively affect your child. This truth stems from God’s design. God created marriage to connect people deeply, reflecting His passion for humanity. Children are the fruit of that love and connection.” (Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend)

Additionally, Scott Haltzman encourages dads to:

“‘Leave a legacy.’

Haltzman explains that, ‘a healthy marriage teaches children important lessons about their own relationships.’ Kids from intact marriages have a lower risk of divorce. ‘So, when your grandchildren celebrate Father’s Day, they’ll be doing it in the home of both their parents.'”

This goes along with something Doug Fields said, and we agree:

“Kids are always watching their parent's marriage, and yet too many marriages underestimate the power of modelling! Children are taking daily recordings of what a marriage looks like, which are definitely influencing and shaping their view of marriage. So, live your marriage wisely to ensure the message you are sending your kids is the one you intend to send.” That means you have a mission field right in your own home! So, within your home, as well as outside of your home:

“Let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven“ (Matthew 5:16).

Prayer for Fathers

“Heavenly Father, we lift up the fathers in our lives and ask for your blessings of wisdom to guide them in leading their families with grace and understanding. We rely on your promise that if they lack wisdom, they can ask you, and you will generously provide without finding fault. Lord, fill their hearts and minds with your divine wisdom. Guide them in making decisions that reflect your will and bring prosperity and peace to their households. Please help them to discern right from wrong and to act with integrity and fairness. Grant them patience and insight to navigate challenges and find solutions honouring you. In Jesus’ name, we pray, Amen.”

At Giving Hope Counselling Services, we are passionate about the welfare of marriages, relationships and families. Whenever you face challenges in your marriage or family, seek our counselling services, and we will always help you resolve any issues so your family can start thriving again.

Peter Mugi Kuruga | Counselling Psychologist/Marriage and Family Therapist

References

Haltzman, S. (2009). The secrets of happy families: Eight keys to building a lifetime of connection and contentment. John Wiley and Sons.