Depression - Just snap out of it?

“Just snap out of it”, “Think happy thoughts”, “Have greater faith”, “Be more positive”.

How many responses like this do depressed people hear on a regular basis? Or perhaps the harsher versions of this message such as “Get over it”, “You’re not trying”, “Don’t be so negative, moody, selfish etc…” Underlying these words is a negative perception of depression based on a lack of understanding. These unhelpful attitudes have become deep-seated and pervasive, and may even be internalized and held by the depressed person too - not only by their family members or friends.

Being misunderstood is an extremely lonely experience. Depression is not just “regular sadness”. Those who do not suffer from depression will most likely struggle to understand it. They may confuse the normal sadness they feel about life events – an argument with a friend, a problem at work – with depression. They do not comprehend what a low place of isolation, despair and helplessness depression can be. Their lack of understanding might indeed translate into blame and judgement.

This blame and judgement cycle can leave the depressed person feeling guilty about being depressed. Guilt, a very negative emotion, merely serves to increase the burden of depression.

Apart from exacerbating the depression, blame and judgement can restrict the person’s access to help. For example, the family may regard it as a stigma to have a depressed member in their midst. They may even refer to therapy as “a crutch”. This attitude results in the depressed person not seeking help at all, or being in a hurry to terminate therapy too soon.

On a broader scale, society often misguidedly regards a need for any psychological help as a weakness. Some religions may even view depression as a lack of faith. Thus the blame and judgement cycle continues, becoming established and deep-rooted.

The truth is that the depressed person is not choosing to remain depressed when they could easily change this. Depression does not linger on due to a lack of perseverance. Depression is one of the world’s most common illnesses. It is very real. It doesn’t just “go away” if the person tries harder.

But hope and help are available!

Although it is normal to feel doubtful and lack hope when one is depressed, it is important to know that depression is very treatable. It is thus unfortunate if misperceptions about depression block many people from reaching out for professional help . Treatment usually involves both medication and therapy or sometimes therapy alone.

Seeking therapy is not a sign of weakness. On the contrary, it actually shows great strength and immense courage.

One cannot underestimate what a healing space therapy is. It is, moreover, a safe, non-threatening, non-judgemental environment. It is a place in which to explore and process one’s emotions, thoughts and experiences. In therapy, one can find the tools and strategies to move forward.

The family should preferably be part of the treatment process. Having a family member suffering from depression can be a really confusing experience. Educational input will assist families in gaining an understanding of depression. Family sessions held from time to time during the treatment process can facilitate communication and a supportive framework in the home. Family members may in fact also benefit from accessing individual therapy support for themselves.

In short, perceptions of depression need to change, because those same perceptions shape our reality. How depression is often perceived by society, family, and even the depressed person themselves, needs to transform. Depression is a bona fide and serious illness which is highly treatable. Blame, judgement and impatience need to be replaced with understanding, support and professional help.

Depression is not a person’s fault.

And no – one can’t “Just snap out of it!”

Cathy Karassellos | Clinical Psychologist