Why Therapy Is Not All About Happiness

What is psychotherapy for? The answer is obvious for many people: to solve all our problems and show us how to become happy. But, as with most things, it's not quite so simple.

Firstly, it is unlikely to solve all the problems, as it may take years and a lot of moral strength to solve some. Besides, new issues appear again and again as life goes on.

Secondly, psychotherapy is not a path to abstract and all-consuming happiness but a path to acceptance of oneself, the world and oneself in the world.

And happiness is...?

Happiness can have many definitions. Here are a few: a feeling of freedom and lightness, complete satisfaction, a sense of extremely strong joy, and a feeling of complete calmness. And it seems to many of us that happiness can be achieved once and for all. As in fairy tales: "... and they lived happily ever after". Maybe it exists, but it seems to me that this is closer to meditative or religious practices, while psychotherapy is a little bit about something else.

Why not only happiness?

When we want to solve a problem, it is necessary not only to identify it, but also to find the source. Often our current states are tightly connected with our past, and therefore it takes a long time to reveal their causes. And this process is usually quite painful. The next step is therapy. I would draw an analogy with medicine: almost any treatment occurs through some discomfort, sometimes pain, and mostly also includes recovery after medical intervention.

Although psychologists do not cut or dissect souls, changes often occur through severe discomfort. And at this moment, not a single client of a psychotherapist will agree that he visits his psychologist for happiness. Fortunately, following this difficult path comes pain relief, some transformations take place and life changes, which can bring joy, even happiness. But it is not the goal of psychotherapy.

Why then do people go into psychotherapy?

Psychotherapy helps one look at oneself and the world differently, detect perception distortions, and understand the sources of troubles. The psychologist does not remake a person and does not say how to live. But with the client, they search for true desires and motives of the client, defining meanings and life principles, and help the client to live life consciously, leaving his prison of automatic reactions.

We seek to avoid a lot of pain, trauma, fear and uncertainty in human life. It is the psychotherapeutic process that leads us to the ability to live with it, accept reality as it is and realize ourselves and our potential. Is the person who has achieved this happy? Maybe. Is he always happy? I don't think so.

The point is different: instead of being a goal, a desired ideal, a dream, or the meaning of life, happiness becomes one of the emotions experienced occasionally.

FAQ: Psychotherapy and the Pursuit of Happiness

What is the fundamental goal of psychotherapy?
The primary goal of psychotherapy is to facilitate self-awareness, personal growth, and improved mental health. It focuses on understanding and resolving underlying issues, improving emotional regulation, and developing coping strategies for life's challenges.

How does psychotherapy differ from the pursuit of happiness?
While happiness can be a byproduct of psychotherapy, the therapy itself is more about self-discovery, understanding personal patterns, and learning to live with life's inherent difficulties. Happiness is not the sole focus, but rather one aspect of a well-rounded emotional life.

Can psychotherapy lead to lasting happiness?
Psychotherapy can lead to more sustained periods of contentment and well-being by addressing the root causes of unhappiness. However, it doesn’t guarantee constant happiness, as emotions naturally fluctuate.

Is it normal to feel worse before feeling better in therapy?
Yes, it's common to initially feel more emotional or uncomfortable in therapy, as it often involves confronting difficult feelings and experiences. This process is a critical part of healing and leads to greater self-understanding and emotional well-being.

How does psychotherapy help with past traumas?
Therapy provides a safe space to explore and process past traumas. Techniques like trauma-focused therapy can help in understanding the impact of these events and in developing strategies to cope with and heal from the trauma.

Does psychotherapy always delve into one’s past?
While exploring the past can be a significant aspect of therapy, it’s not the sole focus. Some therapeutic approaches may concentrate more on current issues and developing coping strategies for the present and future.

How can I tell if psychotherapy is working for me?
Signs of effective therapy include improved mood, better coping with stress, increased self-awareness, healthier relationships, and a general sense of progress, even if gradual.

What if I can’t identify my goals for therapy?
It's normal to be unsure about your goals when starting therapy. Therapists can help you clarify what you want to achieve and can adjust the therapeutic approach as you gain more insight into your needs and desires.

How does psychotherapy address irrational beliefs and negative thought patterns?
Therapies like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) focus on identifying and challenging irrational beliefs and negative thought patterns, helping you develop more realistic and positive ways of thinking.

Can therapy help me find meaning and purpose in life?
Yes, therapy can be an effective tool in exploring personal values, finding meaning, and identifying life goals. It helps you understand your motivations and desires more deeply, guiding you towards a life that feels more purposeful and fulfilling.