Practice Humility to Stop Worrying what Others Think

Trying to guess what other people think about you can drive you crazy! Unfortunately, focusing too much on ourselves in this way makes our egos so big that the mental pain that follows becomes inevitable.

So, what is the way out? Practising humility can help.

As famous British Writer Clive Lewis said, “Humility is not thinking less of yourself but thinking of yourself less.” Understanding Lewis’ words may feel liberating. Humility can reduce our stress and anxiety and contribute to our happiness.

So, let’s come back to our example. Trying to read other people’s minds does not come from our low self-esteem. It comes from focusing on ourselves too much and giving ourselves an excessive sense of importance. This is not being humble. This is actually our vanity, maybe talking.

People who practice humility are aware that most of the time, others think about themselves and not about them. This means nobody really thinks about us! And this is so true! The research shows that we speak about ourselves 78% of the time. And our brain is wired by default mode to think about ourselves when it’s not engaged in other external activities.

Humble people are not so concentrated on themselves. They pay attention to other people, and their eyes are directed to the outside world, to its magic and beauty. They do not torture themselves with what is not under their control – like other peoples’ thoughts. Being humble does not mean having low self-regard. On the contrary, practising humility adds to our confidence. We stop worrying about things that don’t exist, like having an illusion that people constantly think about or judge us.

I have heard from many friends, colleagues, and clients who do not want to attend a gym or sign up for a yoga class because they believe they are out of shape, and those who are physically fit will look at them and judge them. So, they end up doing nothing. The reality is that even if someone notices us in a moment, they will forget about us in the next moment and start thinking about themselves again. So, can it really be an excuse for not going to the gym? Accepting ourselves as we are now and understanding our limitations as humans means being humbled, and may become a starting point of our personal growth and development.

Let me give you more proof that people think about themselves most of the time: what is the first thing you do when you take a group photo? – You find yourself. Do I look good? Other folks do the same. Therefore, when we catch ourselves worrying about what others may think about us, we need to let it go.

How can we let it go? Practising humility can help.

Firstly, be mindful. When you start worrying, consciously stop yourself for a moment. Remember that people think about themselves most of the time, not about you. Notice your breath. Connect it to your body. You are breathing. Now you are fully present, fully alive. Isn’t this a miracle? You don’t need to be a hero in everyone’s eyes. Nobody cares. Shift your attention from what others may think about you to what you can do to become a better version of yourself. Eat healthier, get enough sleep, exercise your body, educate your brain and work on your big goals. Ask yourself: ‘What new skills can I learn? How can I help others? How do I contribute to my community?’

Secondly, practise empathetic listening. You can learn many new things while listening to others rather than concentrating on how they perceive you. Help others.

Thirdly, practice gratitude. What are you grateful for? The research shows that practising gratitude is a powerful technique to reinforce our happiness. Due to evolution, our brains have a negativity bias. We naturally focus on negative things and on what we don’t have. Humble people are grateful for what they have and count all their blessings! We take so many things for granted, like our health, people who really care about us, and our ability to create and manage our own lives.

You might be surprised how practising humility can free your energy, help you stop worrying, and start living.

By, Lana Sher Psy. M

What is humility, and how does it differ from low self-esteem?
Humility is being modest and respectful, characterized by an understanding that one is not the centre of the universe. Unlike low self-esteem, humility is not about thinking less of yourself but rather thinking of yourself less. It's about acknowledging your worth, being aware of it, and being open to the worth of others.

How can practising humility reduce stress and anxiety?
Practising humility shifts focus away from self-centred concerns and the worry about others' opinions. This redirection of attention reduces the mental burden of constantly evaluating oneself against others, thereby lowering stress and anxiety levels.

Is it true that most people are primarily focused on themselves?
Yes, research suggests that people tend to speak about themselves a large portion of the time and are often preoccupied with their thoughts and concerns. This means the fear of being constantly judged by others is generally unfounded.

How can humility contribute to personal growth and development?
Humility allows for a greater appreciation of life's experiences and a more accurate understanding of one's place in the world. It fosters openness to learning, self-improvement, and empathy towards others, key components of personal growth.

What are some practical ways to practice humility?
Practical ways to practice humility include mindful awareness of one's thoughts, empathetic listening, focusing on helping others and expressing gratitude. These practices help shift the focus from self-preoccupation to a broader perspective on life and relationships.

How can humility help in social situations, like going to the gym or attending a yoga class?
By embracing humility, individuals can overcome the fear of judgment in social settings. Recognizing that others are more focused on themselves can alleviate concerns about being watched or judged, making it easier to engage in social activities.

Can humility boost confidence?
Yes, practising humility can paradoxically boost confidence. Individuals can develop a more grounded and realistic sense of self-confidence by not overly fixating on themselves and reducing their worry about others' opinions.

What role does gratitude play in practising humility?
Gratitude is a key component of humility. It involves acknowledging and appreciating what one has rather than focusing on what is lacking. This positive focus can enhance overall well-being and reinforce humble attitudes.

How does humility affect one's approach to goals and self-improvement?
Humility fosters a healthy approach to goals and self-improvement by encouraging a balanced view of one's abilities and potential. It promotes the pursuit of growth and learning for their own sake rather than for external validation.

What is the first step in practising humility?
The first step in practising humility is to become aware of and challenge self-centred thoughts and behaviours. This can be achieved through mindfulness, reflection, and a conscious effort to consider others' perspectives and experiences.

References

Dunbar, R.I.M., Marriott, A. & Duncan, N.D.C. Human conversational behaviour. Hum Nat 8, 231–246 (1997). https://doi.org/10.1007/BF02912493

Tamir, D., & Mitchell, J. (2013). Anchoring and Adjustment During Social Inferences. Journal of Experimental Psychology: General, 142(1), 151-162.