Our Safe Space and how to Access it

We all have a safe space within us. That space is calm, composed and filled with love and kindness. It is often called 'our true nature'. It's the only constant we all have in a world of impermanence.

But often, it gets clouded by our irrational thoughts and beliefs, our negative thoughts and emotions, and our experiences, which also limit our potential to grow and, therefore, we cannot grow and thrive.

When I hear stories from my clients in my counselling/therapy sessions, we talk about how these irrational beliefs are formed and what can be done to reframe them to a more positive outlook and mindset. Some of these irrational beliefs are I am not good enough, I am not worthy enough, and I don't believe in myself, to name a few.

These beliefs get hardwired into our minds, translate into our day-to-day actions, and impact our decision-making.

How does Counselling/Therapy help you find your safe space?

I often ask my clients many questions to understand where and how these irrational beliefs were formed in the past. Was it in early childhood or later time of their life? How were these beliefs shaped and influenced, and what have they accepted to be true as a child?

Once the client shares these, we exercise positive reframing, where they reframe their beliefs to positive and healthier ones, making them grow and achieve more (CBT & REBT therapy).

The other part is considering the stories they can tell themselves to view the situation in a different and more positive light (Narrative therapy). As we become more and more within us, we access our real nature and safe space. Of course, the time taken for each is different as our experiences and issues are different.

Sometimes, clients may struggle to accept themselves fully due to childhood trauma or negative experiences; in that case, we do an exercise called accepting each part within us (Internal Family System Therapy).

One of my clients resisted accepting herself when I did a visualization exercise where she imagined and talked to her inner child and practised forgiving herself ( Inner child therapy). This was extremely helpful to her in accepting herself fully and healing her inner wounds and emotional pain. Now, she is on the path of self-recovery and well-being.

Then, there could be some deep-seated emotions which can also cause you to be stuck. These emotions need to be understood and managed. Firstly, we need to know how our emotions can help us grow; this will only happen when you stop resisting them, find out what you are feeling, and know the triggers that cause that emotion.

Only when you fully accept yourself can you gain more access to your safe space. Carl Rogers says, “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.” Lastly, after you have accessed this safe space, how do you nurture it with kindness, love and compassion?

Without that, it will be a temporary home. Just as you decorate your house with your favourite articles and furnishings similarly, it is your home where you feel the happiest and safe. This is your space where you can always return when you feel hurt or sad or experience negative emotions. To continue this, you can say and hear positive affirmations and do more self-compassion meditations.

I feel counselling/therapy is one of the means to know yourself and your triggers and develop more insight into yourself. With a deep self-reflection, we can access the safe space within us. The tools once learned will always be with you, and when you find that safe space, there is no looking back….

FAQ: Counseling and Therapy for Personal Growth
What is the role of a therapist in helping me find my internal safe space?
A therapist guides and facilitates your journey to discover and nurture your internal safe space. They provide a supportive and non-judgmental environment, use therapeutic techniques to explore and reframe negative beliefs and help develop coping strategies and self-awareness.

How long does it typically take to see changes through therapy?
The duration varies significantly among individuals, depending on the nature of the issues being addressed, the therapy methods used, and the individual's engagement in the process. Some may notice changes within a few sessions, while others may require a longer period.

Can therapy help if I don't have major trauma or deep-seated issues?
Yes, therapy can be beneficial even if you don't have major trauma or severe mental health issues. It can help self-discovery, improve emotional well-being, enhance relationships, and develop a better understanding of oneself.

What if I struggle to open up about my feelings and thoughts in therapy?
It's not uncommon to find it difficult to open up initially. Therapists are trained to help you feel comfortable and safe sharing your thoughts and feelings at your own pace. They use techniques that gently encourage self-expression and self-exploration.

How can therapy assist in managing day-to-day stress and anxiety?
Therapy can provide tools and techniques such as mindfulness, stress management strategies, and cognitive reframing to help you cope with daily stress and anxiety. It also helps in identifying underlying causes and developing healthier coping mechanisms.

Is it possible to do therapy if I have a hard time identifying my feelings?
Absolutely. Part of therapy involves learning to identify and articulate your emotions. Therapists can guide you through this process using various techniques, making it easier to understand and express your feelings over time.

Can therapy help me improve my relationships with others?
Yes, therapy often focuses on enhancing interpersonal skills, understanding relationship dynamics, and resolving conflicts. It can provide insights into your interaction patterns and guide you towards healthier and more fulfilling relationships.

What if I feel worse after starting therapy? Is this normal?
It's not uncommon to feel more emotional or unsettled when you begin therapy, as it often involves confronting difficult emotions and experiences. This is a normal part of the healing process, and discussing these feelings with your therapist is important.

How can I incorporate the insights gained in therapy into my daily life?
Therapists often provide homework, exercises, or strategies to practice between sessions. Incorporating these into your daily routine can help you apply the insights and skills learned in therapy to real-life situations.

What should I do if I feel I'm not making progress in therapy?
Communication is key. Discuss your concerns with your therapist. They may adjust the therapeutic approach or explore other methods that might be more effective for your specific needs.