Ifs Therapy: Listening To Your Inner Voices

Many of us have felt it, that urge to banish the “negative” side of ourselves. Anger, jealousy, fear, self-doubt… the awkward cousin who always shows up at family dinner and refuses to leave. We tell ourselves, “I shouldn’t feel this way,” or “I need to be better than this.”

What if, instead of trying to erase these parts, we learned to listen to them?

A brief history of IFS

Internal Family Systems (IFS) was developed in the 1980s by Dr. Richard Schwartz¹, a pioneering family therapist in the United States. He noticed that clients often experienced inner conflict as if multiple voices were speaking at once, some protective, some wounded, some critical. From this observation, he developed a model that treats these parts as valuable and intelligible, rather than as obstacles or “pathologies.” Today, IFS is recognised worldwide as a trauma-sensitive, evidence-informed approach to personal growth and psychotherapy, used by thousands of therapists and coaches globally.

How IFS works

In IFS, we explore your inner world at a pace that feels safe and comfortable, gently meeting each part with curiosity and compassion. Inside each of us are multiple “parts,” and each has a purpose, even the parts we dislike or find painful. Some parts are protective, trying to keep us safe. Others carry old wounds or fears. Beneath all of these is the Self, a calm, curious, compassionate core.

IFS helps us:

meet our parts without judgment,
understand why they behave the way they do,
heal the wounds they carry,
and allow the Self to lead with clarity and compassion.

Some of these parts can show up as strong anger or a critical inner voice, pushing others away. At first, these feelings may feel entirely negative, something to suppress or get rid of. In IFS, we gently explore them to uncover their true intention: often, they are trying to protect us from potential rejection or emotional pain. Beneath these protective parts, there may be a belief that we are not worthy of love, which can lead to keeping others at a distance.

By listening to, understanding, and supporting these inner voices, it becomes possible to gradually experience connection and safety, while still honouring the important role these parts play in protecting us.

Reflecting on the inner world

Our inner world is like a family gathering, some parts shout, some sulk in the corner, and some are desperately trying to keep everyone from burning the kitchen down. Listening, rather than silencing, allows the voices to find harmony and lets the calm, compassionate Self guide the conversation.

By tuning in to your parts instead of pushing them away, you create space for inner harmony. Anger, jealousy, or fear can shift from feeling overwhelming to being allies that help guide and protect you. IFS isn’t about kicking anyone out. It’s about turning a rowdy, slightly dysfunctional jam session into something surprisingly melodic, with the Self as a calm conductor guiding the ensemble.

In my work with adults, I’ve seen how life-changing this process can be. Those who once felt “too angry” or “too sensitive” begin to see their parts as guides, not enemies. We spend so much energy trying to be someone we think we should be. IFS invites us to meet who we already are, with curiosity, compassion, and acceptance.

“The wound is the place where the light enters you.”

— Rumi

If you feel ready to meet your inner family and understand these parts of yourself, you can reach out to schedule a consultation.