🌈 Not Listing Your Pronouns Is Transphobic — Here’s Why

Introduction

Pronouns are not optional, decorative, or a “nice extra.”

Pronouns communicate identity, safety, and dignity.

When someone chooses not to list their pronouns — especially in mental-health, medical, educational, service, leadership, or community spaces — it reinforces the belief that identity can be assumed. That belief is transphobic. It upholds the idea that people should “look like” their identity, a concept rooted in colonization, white supremacy, and systems created to police and punish trans, non binary, and many more non cis identity(ies).

This article explains clearly and unapologetically why not listing your pronouns is transphobic, how the omission reinforces violence and erasure, and what it means to practice safety, accountability, and true inclusion.

Identity Is Not Determined by Appearance

Identity is self-determined and self-expressed.

Identity is internal, personal, cultural, relational, and lived.

Identity is never something another person can decide for someone else.

Assuming someone’s identity because you think you “know” or because you believe they “look like” something is an act of cis supremacy which is a form of white supremacy.

The idea that identity can be guessed is not neutral — it is actively harmful.

This is why omitting your pronouns sends a clear message:

“I expect people to assume my identity, and I am comfortable with a system where only trans, non binary, and more non cis identity(ies) must explain themselves.”

This is transphobia.

Why Not Listing Your Pronouns Is Transphobic

1. It reinforces the expectation that cis people don’t need to share

When cis people do not list their pronouns, it forces trans, non binary, and more non cis identity(ies) to do all the labor.

This creates a power imbalance and reinforces cis privilege:

• cis people stay “comfortable”

• trans and non binary people must disclose, correct, or educate

That dynamic is transphobia.

2. It relies on systems designed to erase trans and non binary people

The belief that identity can be assumed is rooted in:

• colonization

• white supremacy

• binary enforcement

• anti-trans laws and policies

• medical gatekeeping

• punitive religious structures

If someone relies on these systems to interpret identity, and then chooses not to list their pronouns, they are upholding the very structures that harm trans, non binary, and more non cis identity(ies).

That is transphobic.

3. It signals that trans, non binary, and non cis identity(ies) must do extra labor

When professionals do not list their pronouns, clients and colleagues with marginalized identities must:

• wonder if they are safe/safer

• prepare to be misidentified

• use emotional labor

• decide whether to correct someone

• weigh the risk of outing themselves

This burden is not neutral.

It is systemic.

It is transphobic.

4. It violates trauma-informed practice

Trauma-informed care requires:

• reducing assumptions

• increasing predictability

• centering identity

• reducing harm

• increasing agency

Not listing your pronouns violates these principles. It supports systems of harm rather than systems of care.

5. It perpetuates identity erasure

When providers, leaders, educators, or clinicians omit pronouns, they contribute to cultures where trans and non binary people must constantly prove, defend, or justify their existence.

Erasure is violence.

Omission is complicity.

Complicity is transphobic.

Why Pronouns Belong in Professional and Community Spaces

1. It actively combats transphobia

Listing your pronouns is not passive.

It is an act of anti-transphobic resistance.

It directly challenges the idea that identity can be assumed.

2. It distributes responsibility equitably

Pronoun sharing should never be something only trans or non binary people must do.

When everyone lists their pronouns, labor, emotional safety, and expectations are shared more equitably.

3. It creates a safer baseline for community and care

Listing pronouns communicates:

• I will not assume your identity.

• You do not have to educate me.

• Your identity is self-determined.

• You deserve respect without explanation.

This is foundational to ethical care.

4. It strengthens trust and reduces harm

In therapeutic and medical environments, trust is everything.

If a provider cannot commit to something as basic as listing pronouns, it communicates lack of safety for people with marginalized identities.

How to List Your Pronouns Correctly

Use ONE pronoun per series.

Examples:

• they

• she

• he

• elle

• él

• she/they

• they/she

• he/they

• they/elle

• he/él

Do not write:

• they/them

• she/her

• he/him

• elle/elle

• él/él

Do not repeat pronouns:

• she/her/hers

• they/them/theirs

• he/him/his

Repeating pronouns is not a pronoun series and undermines correct practice.

Ordering matters. (check out my other article on pronoun series)

The first pronoun is typically the primary one.

If You Don’t Know Someone’s Pronouns

Use their name.

Never assume — assumptions uphold harm.

Example:

Instead of: “She said…”

Use: “Van said…”

This respects identity without forcing disclosure.

Conclusion

Not listing your pronouns is transphobic.

It reinforces cis supremacy, contributes to identity erasure, and increases harm for trans, non binary, and more non cis identity(ies).

Listing your pronouns is not political.

It is not extra.

It is not confusing.

It is a basic, essential act of:

• accountability

• anti-transphobia

• identity affirmation

• safety

• dignity

• community care

If you are committed to reducing harm, supporting identity-affirming practices, and actively combating transphobia:

**List your pronouns.

Everywhere.

Every time.

Without waiting for someone else to go first.**

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