🍓 Pronouns and Names — Respect, Identity & Why They Matter

Using someone’s correct name and pronoun is not a courtesy — it is respect, affirmation, and acknowledgment of identity. For trans, non binary and many more non cis folx, names and pronouns are not “preferences.” They are truth.

When we use a person’s chosen name and their pronoun, we affirm who they are.

When we misname or mis-pronoun them, we deny their identity and cause harm.

This article explains why names and pronouns matter, how to ask respectfully, how to document them safely, and why using them consistently is essential.

Why We Say “Pronouns and Names” — Not “Preferred”

The word “preferred” implies option, negotiation, or politeness — rather than identity.

It suggests that the “real” name or pronoun is something else, and what the person asks for is extra or optional.

This is inaccurate and harmful.

Using pronouns and name without qualifiers honors identity.

It communicates respect, affirmation, and dignity — not speculation or doubt.

Why Names & Pronouns Matter — Evidence & Impact

• Using someone’s correct name and pronoun significantly reduces depression and suicidal thoughts in trans and non cis youth.

• Correct name/pronoun use increases self-esteem and safety.

• Dead-naming or mis-pronouning causes distress, distrust, and emotional harm — even when accidental.

• Affirmation in daily language leads to better outcomes in therapy, school, work, and community spaces.

Affirming identity saves lives.

How to Ask & Document Names & Pronouns Respectfully

• Ask simply: “What pronouns do you use?”

-Identify who and where you can use what pronoun (clinical documents, family, friends, partner(s), legal documents etc.)

• Ask: “What name would you like me to use?”

-Identify who and where you can use what pronoun (clinical documents, family, friends, partner(s), legal documents etc.)

• Use one pronoun per series (they, she, he, elle, él, etc.).

• Include Chosen Name and Pronoun fields on forms.

• If legally required, request Legal Name separately — not alongside chosen name.

• Protect confidentiality and avoid outing someone with a mismatched legal name.

• Use chosen name & pronouns in all communication, sessions, notes, and interactions based on clients specific requests.

Asking respectfully is easy. The impact is profound.

Names & Pronouns Are Also Safety

For many trans, non binary and many more non cis folx, affirmation is essential for:

• emotional safety

• physical safety

• navigating institutions

• accessing care

• avoiding harm

• maintaining privacy

• belonging

• being respected

Many systems (schools, workplaces, healthcare) still force legal names or binary assumptions.

Using chosen names and pronouns helps counteract those harms.

What Happens When We Don’t Affirm Names & Pronouns

• Dead-naming signals rejection, invalidation, and erasure.

• Mis-pronouning fractures trust and reopens trauma.

• People may avoid care or support systems entirely.

• It reinforces cis supremacy and identity-based violence.

• It can trigger past experiences of exclusion, abandonment, and systemic harm.

Identity is not negotiable.

When we get names and pronouns wrong or intentionally, we cause harm.

For Professionals — What Respect Actually Looks Like

• Honor chosen name and pronoun at all times.

• Correct yourself quickly and without making it about you.

• Train staff and colleagues to do the same.

• Document identity respectfully and transparently.

• Never out someone by using their legal name without consent.

• Discuss safety concerns around documentation directly and collaboratively.

• Avoid assuming identity based on appearance or sound.

• Remember: identity is self-defined, not assigned.

Respect is an action, not a belief.

Names and Pronouns Are Identity. Use Them. Honor Them. Respect Them.

Names and pronouns are not extra, optional, or negotiable.

They are essential.

They are identity.

They are dignity.

They are survival.

For trans, non binary and many more non cis folx, correct use of name and pronoun is:

• life-affirming

• identity-affirming

• necessary

• healing

• respectful

• protective

Let’s choose language that reflects care, humanity, and truth.