Living through tough times

Collective stress has been extreme over the past six months and it is difficult not to be impacted by this tension in the ether. As human beings, we do vary in our attitude to risk, attitudes to authority and the degree to which we seek certainty in our lives. However, it is normal to resent change in a pandemic because a) it is not of our choosing and b) the painful reality that there is no one in authority who can promise us when this will end. Some of these losses are explored here.

Loss of Social Contact

The normal ways of connecting with others, chatting, meeting on the street, and organising our social lives and celebrating life milestones have been severely damaged. These are significant losses that we need to mourn. We are tactile creatures; we need physical touch. Evidence shows that those who give and receive regular hugs tend to have higher levels of wellbeing than those without. Being deprived of this is painful. Zoom is no substitute.

Loss of Freedom

The element of spontaneity and choice in our freedom of movement is curtailed. This is difficult for many. Humans seek novelty and variety in our lives and removing this is harsh. If your home feels more like a prison than a safe haven, it is going to be a very tough time.

Loss of security

The need to feel safe and being able to forward plan is a human need. For most of us, health security is spotlighted at the moment. Anyone who wants to protect their health and worries about the vulnerable people they know, will struggle. Facing our own mortality is not something most of us proactively do unless illness or trauma forces this reflection into our lives. Losing a job, concerns for future income feeds financial insecurities. Work changes that are not of our choosing can feed feelings of powerlessness and anxiety.

Loss of Loved ones

The death of someone we love at a time of COVID-whether directly due to the virus or other reasons is extremely difficult. We find comfort and meaning in ritual and being close to those who are ill and dying. This is sabotaged in a pandemic. Community support matters at times of painful loss.

Loss of meaning

We are meaning-seeking creatures. We seek to make sense of our lives by seeing the meaning and purpose in our experiences and relationships. When change is rapid and seemingly random it can undermine this sense of meaning and be emotionally unsettling at best and at worst, very frightening. As the wonderful Victor Frankl has suggested, we can tolerate any How in our Lives once we understand the Why’. (see Man’s Search for Meaning ’).

Loss of Clarity in our Roles

The merging of home and work, work and school has challenged many. Loss of clarity in our roles and location boundaries is tough. Am I a parent today? Am I a teacher? Am I a colleague or carer? Time and role conflicts will set us up for heightened stress levels.

If you are struggling with your inner critic telling yourself that you ‘should’ be coping when you are not, it is time to introduce some self-compassion and self-kindness. If you are feeling overwhelmed, give yourself permission to reach out and seek some trusted professional support . It is an act of profound courage to share your story with someone. Many are offering online and phone counselling if you do not feel safe leaving home.

Aine Egan is an experienced psychotherapist. Contact her and find her website by clicking here.