Finding my Place Again: An NRI’s Guide to Adjusting after India

If you are an Non-resident Indian who has lived abroad, you may have spent years studying or working in India , learning to bargain, and mastering its bustling markets.

You embraced the vibrant chaos, freedom, and warmth of shared meals with your extended family and friends. Then, abruptly, life calls you back home to U.A.E. The highly predictable functionality of such a developed nation seems, well, boring.

The efficiency feels sterile, the pre-packaged meals bland, and WORST OF ALL, conversations and social connections seem transactional. You miss the haggling sessions over tea, wondering, "Did India change me, or has Dubai changed?"

The answer, it’s both! This common experience is called reverse culture shock. Just like the initial culture shock you experience in India, returning home can be a period of adjustment. While you were busy sipping chai and exploring cafes, restaurants and pubs, your home culture kept evolving, and now you might feel like a square peg in a round hole.

After living in India for six years, the emphasis on community and flexible living felt like a warm hug compared to the "grind and fast-paced culture" back home. The constant barrage of emails and deadlines felt suffocating after mastering the art of "it’s okay, I can handle it".

But here's the good news: reverse culture shock is temporary, and there are ways to bridge that gap.

Here are some strategies that helped me to cope better, and I hope would help you:

• Embrace your transformation: The key to a smooth homecoming? Owning your growth. Living abroad has undoubtedly reshaped your perspective, and that's something to celebrate!

While your loved ones might not fully grasp the shift, acknowledging and accepting this "new you" is crucial. It’s difficult to explain what you’re going through to people who have not gone through the same thing.

Coming back can be a whirlwind of emotions. To process your experience and navigate these emotions, consider keeping a journal. Jot down reflections, big or small, to help you make sense of your re-entry journey. Conscious and consistent reflection will allow you to be in tune with your emotions.

• Acknowledge your feelings: The initial readjustment stage upon returning home involves acknowledging and embracing the changes experienced in a different country.

Don't dismiss your frustration or confusion. Talk to friends, family, or therapists. These feelings are valid, like craving a steaming chai or the unbeatable Bangalore weather.

• Reconnect with loved ones: Your friends and family have grown too! Sharing your experiences and catching up can help you rebuild that sense of belonging. For me, a dinner and game night with old friends, filled with laughter and stories, was pure comfort food for the soul.

Sharing experiences and tips with others who have gone through similar transitions can greatly aid in overcoming the challenges of readjusting to life back home and make you feel that you're not alone in this journey.

• Exploring your own country: Just because you're back home doesn't mean you must stop exploring new places and cultures. Seek out experiences in your own country that evoke the excitement of your time abroad.

Embrace new adventures by going on hikes, being part of book clubs, or enjoying concerts you haven't experienced before.

Consider embarking on a road trip or a simple day excursion to uncover hidden gems and reignite your sense of adventure. Go on a staycation to appreciate the beauty and diversity of your surroundings.

• Find your tribe: Connect with others who've lived in India. Sharing stories and experiences with people who understand the magic of Indian chaos and the beauty of haggling can be incredibly validating. Interacting with people online only goes so far. Sometimes the best way to feel less “foreign” in your country is to find those who lived away from it.

• Revisit your happy places: Occasionally, returning to familiar spots like a park or cherished Indian eateries can bring back a sense of stability. Revisiting a restaurant that plays Indian music or the small park where I once enjoyed yoga sessions with neighbours flooded me with a profound sense of tranquillity, serving as a lovely reflection of India amidst the monotony of my everyday life.

• Understand that people around you may have different perspectives shaped by their unique life experiences, cultures, norms, and values. Understand that they may not have encountered the same things you have, so expecting them to change may lead to frustration.

Instead, embrace the differences between yourself and others, acknowledging that life abroad differs from life back home. \

While you may be tempted to resist these disparities, acceptance can lead to more peace, allowing you to prioritize positivity. Keep things in perspective and focus on the positive elements of life, letting go of the need to battle against differences constantly.

• Seek professional help : If your reverse culture shock persists and begins to impact your everyday routine and well-being, consider therapy. A therapist can provide guidance and support during this transitional phase.

Remember, reverse culture shock is a journey, not a destination.

By acknowledging your feelings, reconnecting with loved ones, and embracing the "new you," you'll find your way back to feeling comfortable in your skin, even if it feels slightly different now. So, take a deep breath, and know you're not alone in returning home!

• It's also important to acknowledge that sometimes, you might not fully recapture that initial feeling of being abroad. Research suggests that some individuals may integrate aspects of their new culture into their home life. In contrast, others may find comfort in returning to familiar routines (Society for Intercultural Education Training and Research (SIETAR)).

There's no right or wrong answer - the key is finding what works best for you, even if that means embracing the comfort and stability of your home culture. While thriving in a familiar professional setting, you can still be well-rounded and globally-minded.

Professionalism aside, feeling loss or longing for your time abroad is perfectly okay. Friends, family, and well-meaning acquaintances might offer platitudes like, "You must be relieved to be back home finally!" Little do they know the depth of the connections you've forged and the memories you've created.

The truth is, it's okay not to love being back.

Reverse culture shock can be a significant challenge, and sometimes, the best course of action is to re-evaluate your goals and priorities. As much as you try to reintegrate, if the reality of returning home doesn't align with your expectations or values and, most importantly, your happiness, then there's no shame in considering another move abroad.