Bereavement Counselling - Dealing With Grief

Grief is a process we must go through, from anger and guilt, extreme sadness, bewilderment to acceptance, and many more emotions. And we do not mean accepting the death of a loved one, we mean accepting that life goes on, as time does not stop for anyone. The goal of grief counselling is to help the bereft acknowledge the death of a loved one. Bereavement counselling can be beneficial for some people, it enables them to adapt to the new reality without him or her, and to make sense and meaning.

Grief can go so deep it is difficult to find the words to describe what it feels like, and it does not come alone. Guilt sometimes accompanies bereavement, which is almost as intense as the grief itself, berating oneself that you could have prevented this had you phoned the hospital earlier, called the doctor sooner, been more attentive – “are common experiences of the bereaved” (Worden, 2009, p.20). Counselling has the elements of understanding, acceptance and exploring, a caring therapeutic relationship, where the therapist believes in the client’s development of post-traumatic growth (Cooper et al., 2013, p.322)

There is no comparison or hierarchy with bereavement. It is very individual, and we will experience it differently. For example, when my father died, (I am the eldest of four children), my grief was totally different to that of my siblings, because our relationship with him was different. Colin Parkes, a British psychiatrist who has written many books on bereavement, recognised that there was “a great deal of individual differences to bereavement that not everybody experienced grief in the same way or at the same speed” (Parkes, 2002, cited in Worden, 2009, p. 9).

Then Covid-19 hit us. As the world goes through this pandemic there will be complications to our mourning process making it harder to bear. It is natural for us to come together offering support and to comfort each other at a very lonely, devastating time. Now there are restrictions to that; during the national lockdown, funerals can be attended by a maximum of 30 people. Only 6 people are allowed to attend a wake and keep to the social distancing guidelines, ( www . gov . uk ).

Complicated grief is an enduring emotion that continues, if not dealt with, and interrupts daily functioning when an individual finds it difficult to return to normality, and a particular expression of hopelessness emerges, (Prigerson et al, 1995, cited in Cutcliffe, 1998, p.756).

However, as therapists, we can sit with them, offering them the comfort of human presence as we counsel them (Morgan,2021, pp. 35-37). Morgan (2021) went on to say can we do this remotely, are we able to hold them this way, as most therapists are offering telephone and/or online counselling. I am offering online and telephone counselling and clients seem happy with this, some have even asked for it. They appreciate and accept that this is the way I work, for now, as it lowers the risk of cross-infection.

If you have lost a loved one through bereavement and you are finding it difficult to deal with and need someone to talk to, I am a bereavement counsellor, with years of experience, and if you are struggling allow me to help you through it. I cannot promise I will make you feel better, but there will be an understanding and an acceptance of what you are going through.

It is good to talk.

Debbie Fryer | Counsellor

29/01/2021