Intrusive thoughts are thoughts that seem to come out of nowhere. They can be a seemingly logical rabbit hole of if A happens-then B-then C, a random far fetched scenario, a horrifying what if, or even an unwanted memory.

They are essentially unwanted thoughts thus, an intruder in our mind. We all can experience intrusive thoughts, however for some, intrusive thoughts can become what I call sticky. They come up and we struggle to let them go. The frequency and intensity of this can become problematic. The nature of these unwanted thoughts can be such that, not only do we struggle to let them go, but we immediately try to push, avoid, and escape them when they come up. When we do this, we engage the thought further. In therapy, I often use Dr. Russ Harris’ metaphor of a finger trap, the more you struggle to pull fingers apart and out, the more the trap tightens. An intrusive thought may be a bothersome thought, but it only gets louder the more we entertain it. So what can we do? Here are 5 things that may help:

1. 1. Remember a thought is just a thought: Consider where our thoughts come from. How many times are you in the middle of a movie, a conversation, sex even and thoughts pop up out of no where. You may hear statements that note that our thoughts create our reality, however, this isn’t the destiny of every thought we have. While, our thoughts influence the world around us and within us, (not in some woo-way but in a neuropsychological way), it’s the thoughts we engage with and focus on that yield this power, not every thought we have. Both cognitive behavioural and acceptance commitment therapy are founded on our capacity to focus on helpful thoughts versus unhelpful thoughts. Thus, re-wiring our brain to react differently to intrusive thoughts and change outcomes in our lives. This wouldn’t be possible if intrusive thoughts were destiny. It’s not a reality just because we think it, it becomes a reality if we allow it to take focus. Again, not woo, an example is: if I continually focus on the thought that my partner doesn’t love me, I’ll continue to notice all the unloving things he does, I’d likely start feeling hurt, sad, rejected, lonely, and then I may be irritable or impatient with him. In that example he did nothing, but the thought I entertained changed my emotional state (physiological reaction included) and my state of being/interactions, my reality. When an intrusive thought comes up, one of the things we can do, is remember it’s just a thought.
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3. 2. Acceptance versus Avoidance: It’s natural that when intrusive thoughts come up we try to push them away, run away, avoid them in other ways, however this only makes them get louder. Think of what happens when a 3 year old wants your attention. We essentially get caught in a tug of war (another great acceptance commitment therapy metaphor). If we let go, the war ends, we’re left standing and the other party will typically fall. Acceptance doesn’t mean the thoughts go away, or don’t come up again. Rather, it shift us to noticing them as they come, instead of getting entangled with them. Acceptance commitment therapy (ACT), includes techniques for becoming defused from thoughts we’re fused with (ie. thoughts we’re enmeshed with). Acceptance is easier said than done. When faced with an intrusive thought and the physical reaction of having an unwanted thought come to mind, acceptance can be a high bar. There are ways of cultivating an attitude of acceptance, including mindfulness, grounding techniques, therapy, and lots of practice.
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5. 3. Mindfulness: Mindfulness is something defined by many in slightly different ways. In therapy I explain mindfulness as expanding into the present moment with acceptance and non-judgement, allowing what comes up to be noticed, without self-judgement or evaluation of the thought, memory, or flow of attention. Just as acceptance takes cultivation and practice, so does mindfulness. Being willing to expand into the present moment instead of being caught up in our mind, takes commitment and unlearning. For those of us struggling with intrusive thoughts, mindfulness offers the added benefit of helping us tune into our reality, instead of our intangible intrusive thoughts, from a place that’s loving and kind (accepting and non-judgmental).
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7. 4. Self-compassion: When we have intrusive thoughts that negatively impact our lives, we can become critical and judgmental of ourselves. The thinking is frequently “the thought came from us”, “should be in our control” or something along that line. We don’t however, control what thoughts come up, we control our reaction, and even then we remain human. We all have moments that aren’t our best. Self-judgement and criticism takes us further away from the life we want and entangles us in a different way with unwanted thoughts. Some of us can recognize that when our inner critic is present, we get anxiety about our anxiety or depressive thoughts about our depressive thoughts. Self-compassion refers to bringing love, kindness, and empathy back to self. When we treat ourselves with self-compassion, it releases us to make room for acceptance and mindfulness.
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9. 5. Choose value guided actions: In every moment we have choice, to move away from what we value/want or towards it. Slowing down to consider what are our values, helps us to create goals that are aligned with them. This is important as, if we value quality family time but choose a career that gets in the way, we’re going to experience negative consequences of this. When we get in touch with our values, we can ensure that our values are considered in our goal setting and dreaming. Moment to moment, when intrusive thoughts come up we can then treat it as a choice point between engaging with the thought and moving away from valued guided action or remembering what we value more, and engaging in actions that put us on the path towards living them. Choosing value guided action, doesn’t mean choosing distraction. Moving towards our values may include working through points 1-4, to help us steer off the track of entanglement with intrusive thoughts.
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If intrusive thoughts continue to get in the way of living the life you want, or they become more concerning in nature (ex. thoughts of suicide, homicide), professional support can help! If in crisis connect with local a crisis line or emergency services.

Intrusive thoughts are thoughts that seem to come out of nowhere. They can be a seemingly logical rabbit hole of if A happens-then B-then C, a random far fetched scenario, a horrifying what if, or even an unwanted memory.

They are essentially unwanted thoughts thus, an intruder in our mind. We all can experience intrusive thoughts, however for some, intrusive thoughts can become what I call sticky. They come up and we struggle to let them go. The frequency and intensity of this can become problematic. The nature of these unwanted thoughts can be such that, not only do we struggle to let them go, but we immediately try to push, avoid, and escape them when they come up. When we do this, we engage the thought further. In therapy, I often use Dr. Russ Harris’ metaphor of a finger trap, the more you struggle to pull fingers apart and out, the more the trap tightens. An intrusive thought may be a bothersome thought, but it only gets louder the more we entertain it. So what can we do? Here are 5 things that may help:

1. 1. Remember a thought is just a thought: Consider where our thoughts come from. How many times are you in the middle of a movie, a conversation, sex even and thoughts pop up out of no where. You may hear statements that note that our thoughts create our reality, however, this isn’t the destiny of every thought we have. While, our thoughts influence the world around us and within us, (not in some woo-way but in a neuropsychological way), it’s the thoughts we engage with and focus on that yield this power, not every thought we have. Both cognitive behavioural and acceptance commitment therapy are founded on our capacity to focus on helpful thoughts versus unhelpful thoughts. Thus, re-wiring our brain to react differently to intrusive thoughts and change outcomes in our lives. This wouldn’t be possible if intrusive thoughts were destiny. It’s not a reality just because we think it, it becomes a reality if we allow it to take focus. Again, not woo, an example is: if I continually focus on the thought that my partner doesn’t love me, I’ll continue to notice all the unloving things he does, I’d likely start feeling hurt, sad, rejected, lonely, and then I may be irritable or impatient with him. In that example he did nothing, but the thought I entertained changed my emotional state (physiological reaction included) and my state of being/interactions, my reality. When an intrusive thought comes up, one of the things we can do, is remember it’s just a thought.
2. 
   
3. 2. Acceptance versus Avoidance: It’s natural that when intrusive thoughts come up we try to push them away, run away, avoid them in other ways, however this only makes them get louder. Think of what happens when a 3 year old wants your attention. We essentially get caught in a tug of war (another great acceptance commitment therapy metaphor). If we let go, the war ends, we’re left standing and the other party will typically fall. Acceptance doesn’t mean the thoughts go away, or don’t come up again. Rather, it shift us to noticing them as they come, instead of getting entangled with them. Acceptance commitment therapy (ACT), includes techniques for becoming defused from thoughts we’re fused with (ie. thoughts we’re enmeshed with). Acceptance is easier said than done. When faced with an intrusive thought and the physical reaction of having an unwanted thought come to mind, acceptance can be a high bar. There are ways of cultivating an attitude of acceptance, including mindfulness, grounding techniques, therapy, and lots of practice.
4. 
   
5. 3. Mindfulness: Mindfulness is something defined by many in slightly different ways. In therapy I explain mindfulness as expanding into the present moment with acceptance and non-judgement, allowing what comes up to be noticed, without self-judgement or evaluation of the thought, memory, or flow of attention. Just as acceptance takes cultivation and practice, so does mindfulness. Being willing to expand into the present moment instead of being caught up in our mind, takes commitment and unlearning. For those of us struggling with intrusive thoughts, mindfulness offers the added benefit of helping us tune into our reality, instead of our intangible intrusive thoughts, from a place that’s loving and kind (accepting and non-judgmental).
6. 
   
7. 4. Self-compassion: When we have intrusive thoughts that negatively impact our lives, we can become critical and judgmental of ourselves. The thinking is frequently “the thought came from us”, “should be in our control” or something along that line. We don’t however, control what thoughts come up, we control our reaction, and even then we remain human. We all have moments that aren’t our best. Self-judgement and criticism takes us further away from the life we want and entangles us in a different way with unwanted thoughts. Some of us can recognize that when our inner critic is present, we get anxiety about our anxiety or depressive thoughts about our depressive thoughts. Self-compassion refers to bringing love, kindness, and empathy back to self. When we treat ourselves with self-compassion, it releases us to make room for acceptance and mindfulness.
8. 
   
9. 5. Choose value guided actions: In every moment we have choice, to move away from what we value/want or towards it. Slowing down to consider what are our values, helps us to create goals that are aligned with them. This is important as, if we value quality family time but choose a career that gets in the way, we’re going to experience negative consequences of this. When we get in touch with our values, we can ensure that our values are considered in our goal setting and dreaming. Moment to moment, when intrusive thoughts come up we can then treat it as a choice point between engaging with the thought and moving away from valued guided action or remembering what we value more, and engaging in actions that put us on the path towards living them. Choosing value guided action, doesn’t mean choosing distraction. Moving towards our values may include working through points 1-4, to help us steer off the track of entanglement with intrusive thoughts.
10. 
    

If intrusive thoughts continue to get in the way of living the life you want, or they become more concerning in nature (ex. thoughts of suicide, homicide), professional support can help! If in crisis connect with local a crisis line or emergency services.