The psychology of Self-esteem and Self-concept

“The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely” — Carl Jung

Truth be told, if my sense of self-esteem was dependent on my tea brewing abilities I’d be the most self-esteem less person in the world. I despair when I make bad tea. I do. But I have accepted the fact that there will be days when I will be good at it, and there will be days when I won’t be the best chai(tea) maker in the world. That’s life. You can’t be good at everything. You accept your flaws, you work on them, you move on.

The question is, is self-acceptance really terrifying? Pretty terrifying at first.

Everyone you meet will have their own idea of proficiency, success, brilliance and accomplishment.

Can you meet all their standards? It is going to be hard, if not IMPOSSIBLE.

Can you meet the standards set by yourself? It is going to be slightly easier. Not always, but most of the time.

Psychology of self-esteem.

In simple words, self-esteem is how a person evaluates themselves and their self-worth. Do they perceive themselves as highly competent, or incompetent? Do they think they are intelligent and likeable, or the opposite?

All these perceptions and ideas we have about ourselves come together to form our Self-Concept. This collection of beliefs is influenced by many things, including our parents, culture, environment, the literature one reads; basically everything.

The enigma: “Who are you?”

When asked, “Who are you?”, many people will define themselves in one of the following ways.

In terms of their skills and abilities; draw awesome portraits, can sing very well, exceptional in maths, bad in science, failed a test.

In terms of their role in society; a husband, a mother, a wife, a daughter.

In terms of their physical appearance; beautiful, average, tall, short, have long hair.

Some other arbitrary characteristic or trait; polite, pray daily, likes anime, loves reading.

How you see yourself, and how you choose to define yourself is completely up to you. Consequently, how you label yourself plays an important role in your self-concept and self-esteem.

The important question is, are you tying your self-esteem to things that are outside your realm of control? (How your teacher grades your paper, someone not liking you.) Or is your self-esteem dependent on things that are directly under your control? (Studying hard for the test, being polite to someone.)

In psychology, the concept of self-efficacy and self-esteem are highly interlinked. People who believe themselves to be more capable turn out to be just that. Majorly, because they have high self-efficacy. Their view of their abilities influences the choices they make, how much effort they put into a task and how they react when faced with a challenge.

People who have high self-esteem are:

- more optimistic about future

- care less about what other people think about them

- more confident in their skills and abilities

They place a high value on their abilities and focus on personal growth as opposed to conforming to arbitrary standards set by someone else.

Whereas, people who have low-self esteem are:

- pessimistic about future

- care what people think about them and try to please them

- less confident in their abilities and skills.

They place a high value on forces outside their control, like what people are thinking about them.

In a nutshell, self-esteem is NOT how people perceive you, rather it is how you perceive yourself. No one can convince you to have high self-esteem unless you yourself think that way. Of course, it matters what people think about you and what role you are playing in society. But for the most part, you decide how you want to be defined.

You decide whether it is your strengths that define you or your weaknesses.

You decide if your achievements define you or your failures.

You decide whether you will be known as a person of high self-esteem or low.

You have direct control over how the world sees you. And it’s very simple. They see you from your eyes.