"Snacks" for the Subconscious

A time when you felt ignored by someone you perceive should take care of you, is one of the most common causes of your suffering. What you need the most at that time to soothe you is undeniably an acknowledgement that you are lovable and not bad at all. The irony of it all is that you need that reassurance from the same person who neglected you. Starved of love, care and attention acting out is one of the strategies I engage in rather than acknowledging and bearing these feelings.

Neglect is the new Hate.

The subconscious or unconscious parts of myself are the ones that are not in my awareness. I may label them as bad or good. When considered bad, I hate them and try to ignore or neglect them. These are the parts that keep showing up impulsively time and again to attract my attention. All these shadow parts want from me is reassurance that I care for them as "my own". They are as important to me as the rest of myself.

"It is only at night that no shadows exist." -Carl Jung

What Can I Do to Feel Good?

When they want to act up, I let these shadow parts be. Their need for approval is met with my permission. I choose not to hate myself or these parts of me by not denying their existence or feeling shameful being 'such a bad person'. By practising a little bit of slowing down the roller coaster of my emotions, I manage to be aware of what part is acting up for attention and feed it just that...some undivided attention with a lot of understanding, empathy and love.

I Feed my shadow with these super snacks (without indulging them or bingeing on them to keep a check on them):

• I draw, scribble and colour and then do not try to make sense of it;
• I do weird faces in the mirror;
• I go wild with the craziest dance movements on the loudest music;
• I watch Thrillers and Murder mysteries;
• I listen to horror podcasts;
• I make Friday Night Plans with friends and cousins;
• I order that gooey extra cheese on the Jumbo Burger;
• I pull an all-nighter to watch the K-dramas;
• I chose the sexiest song to perform for my friend's wedding;
• I sleep when I want to, even when I have tasks at hand and deadlines to meet;
• I am in nightwear till 11 in the morning;
• I go on solo trips;
• I defy all "Shoulds"; and
• I unlearn to define my own "Hows".

'No Judgement, No Overcompensation' is the mantra here.

While you choose to go on a date with your crush the night before that competitive exam, let not yourself or anybody else for that matter make you feel guilty about it. Do not try to be a good girl. And that bad boy in the class, smile at him the next time you see him, and take a lesson or two from him, he is just trying to own himself up; the WHOLE of himself, not the PERFECT of himself.

To appreciate the light, allow yourself to experience the dark without adding the labels of good or bad. The Bad label makes you want to deny, suppress, avoid or ignore it to the extent of feeling shame and the Good label makes you indulge in it just a little bit too much to again tip off the balance on the other side of the scale as narcissistic tendencies.

Even though it is still in the dark, it is a part of me. I choose to feed it some tasty snacks as therapy.