INVENTING AN OPTIMAL FUTURE

Like historians and novelists, we also construct our own life histories as "we" see them and our "realities" get created accordingly.

Here is how it works: Something happens: a death, a divorce, a trauma, etc... We then subjectively interpret, draw conclusions, form opinions, make life decisions based on that event. This melding or collapsing of what happened and the meaning we give it occurs painfully, and we regress to a time when we lacked the capacity to make distinctions. We collapse them together and create a convincing story about that event, from a child's developmental stage.

Consider there are two domains in our everyday living. One in which life shows up as an "experience" and another in which life shows up as a "concept" or a description of that experience. Our "experience" regresses into memories, "narratives" and "descriptions" of that experience. An experience is in the moment and feels palpable, while a concept is a cerebral explanation of an experience. An experience is palpable, and a concept is flat information.

We live our lives conceptually for the most part. Read new books, talk to friends, and family and get agreement about our point of view. We have an experience, and we give it meaning, making it a concept, the concept then makes the experience seem real, confirming our "personal narrative". This dynamic is created by the ego, the "lower self". The "chatter" keeps us stuck in our fearful, safe, default zone. Then, we have no access outside the comfort zone where the magic of life, serendipity and passion actually exist.

When something painful happens, (i.e. mom leaves, a divorce, etc..), we involuntarily create a child's narrative: "I am "unlovable", "undesirable", "it was my fault". At that developmental stage, it is logical for a child to experience feeling unlovable after any intense event. The brain has no discerning capacity. As an adult, we still perpetuate the narrative, when it could have been a myriad of reasons why mom or our spouse leaves: no coping skills, Narcissism, commitment issues, attachment wounds that were unknown about the other. Yet, our automatic reaction is to question our worth, judge ourselves, and feel victimized and inadequate.

Unconsciously, we assign and play the role of the victim, desperate to be loved, fearful, comparing our selves to others and always falling short of our own impossibly high expectations. Seeking similar partners, experiencing isolation and resignation about love, re-creating abandonment, either by sabotaging or by leaving, perpetuating the I am "unloveable" life sentence.

We make up the meaning of the event, justify it even create evidence, and believe it as a bottom line truth. We see it as our truth, not something separate or outside of us. Most painfully, we map our behaviour and future from that space, skewing our identity, power, and how we present our selves to the world. The Universe aligns itself with our "undeserving self", presenting to us what we think we are worth. A mechanical, relentless vicious circle, which began as an unconscious melding, a collapsing of "what happened" and "what we made it mean about us" is now driving our future. We live our life from that blind spot "reality". This "reality" becomes the "new normal". Flat, tedious, and a lack of aliveness, and no desired results.

There is nothing wrong with our "stories". They represent the richness of what it means to be human. But they are not to be confused and collapsed with the "presence" of life. Being in the experience of something is very different than being in the concept of it. Most of the constructs we made up about our lives, are obsolete and keep us stuck and depressed. We question our purpose, isolate, resign from participation in life.

When we begin to see inside the mechanical nature of this vicious circle, its bankruptcy becomes visible. There is no mastery in this domain. Once we recognize the price we pay for living in this mechanical loop, then we have a choice in the matter about who we are, and to author and design our lives. Knowing that our "stories" are a negatively skewed interpretation that we made up, creates an opening, a portal to our higher self. Possibilities exist in the domain of "being" and not in the first two domains.

In the "being" domain, we are able to create something from "nothing". Invent new possibilities and resilience. Possibility moves things around until our experience and our circumstances are a "match" for what we intend to create. This is transformation. It expands the horizon of what is possible, and the Universe can then align with this new vision. The Universe only aligns with what we tell ourselves, so be mindful of your thoughts and raise your level of self-compassion.

MORE POSTS

Transformative Neural Netting