What if?’ Thinking is anytime you try to guess the future outcome of an action you take. For example, ‘I want to ask for a pay raise but what if…?’ Your mind then fills in the blank with many alternate scenarios, almost all of them negative.

Why is it such a problem?

Because it’s a powerful combination of focusing on the negative and the unrealistic. It causes you to suffer through events that may not even happen as you try to predict the future and work out how you’ll cope with all these possible (yet unlikely) scenarios. But the absolute worst thing about ‘what if…’ thinking though, is that it tries to convince you it’s helping. You tell yourself that you’re just preparing yourself, you’re protecting yourself. But what if thinking rarely leads to taking practical, preventative actions (that kind of thinking actually is kind of helpful). Instead, you torture yourself by imagining all sorts of terrible outcomes, all in the name of being ‘prepared’, the idea of which is captured beautifully by this quote:

I’ve lived through many terrible things in my time, some of which actually happened’.

Do not be fooled by ‘what if’ thinking! You are not a fortune teller. Even if you were, mentally rehearsing how you’ll cope with a negative outcome has limited usefulness. You’re much better off just coping with the situation once, when it happens. By torturing yourself imagining all the possible bad things that could happen, you end up living through (by playing them out in your mind) all these horrible possibilities that you don’t have to.

Even if you do get it right, and one of the negative scenarios is the outcome, you’re unlikely to remember your well-rehearsed comeback or safety strategy in the heat of the moment.

Another, separate problem with ‘what if…?’ thinking is that it makes you so fearful of all these potentially hideous outcomes that it stops you from actually living through the situation, if you can at all avoid it.

For example, if you want to ask for a pay rise, then cget aught in a whole lot of negative ‘but what if my boss…’ thoughts, pretty soon you’ve convinced yourself that asking for a raise is actually a terrible idea and not worth the potential pain.

By stopping yourself from acting, not only do you cut off the potential benefits of actually asking (you know, you might get the raise!), but you also cut off the opportunity to see that your predictions were WRONG – because you don’t test them out by entering the situation regardless. Unchallenged like this, ‘What if…’ thinking seems like it actually protects you and seems even more ‘helpful’ next time round.

What can you do about ‘What If? Thinking?’

Move fast!

Once you’ve decided on a course of action, ‘what if’s’ get much louder and soon stop you from taking action. I like to not give them an opportunity. Once you’ve made a decision, force your own hand: make the phone call straight away, enrol and pay for the course, make an appointment in your calendar etc. before your fears and negativity even get a chance to get up off the couch.

Play the opposites game

‘What if I tell them what I’m planning, and they laugh at me?’ Well what if I tell them what I’m planning, and they give me a big hug, tell me it’s an amazing idea and offer to help me for free? For every super negative thought you let through, make yourself imagine the opposite – something wildly, outrageously positive.

This is not ‘positive thinking’ and you don’t need to believe the alternative. This method ‘s power is in helping you to see that both the positive and the negative thought are equally unlikely. It breaks the chain of thinking that brings to your mind other negative possibilities.

Super charge it

The above technique is even more powerful if you write down both thoughts, then go into the situation, and take notice of what actually happens . Did either of your predictions come true? Which one was closer to the actual outcome?

Part of the trouble with ‘what if?’ thinking is that we never stop to check how accurate it is (hint: not very accurate!) and in fact, often don’t even give ourselves the opportunity to check them, because we avoid the situation entirely. But if you try this technique a few times, you’ll start to see how far off your predictions actually are. This means that in the future, you’re much less likely to buy into ‘what if?’ because you know, through experience (not just me telling you!) how useless they are.

What if?’ Thinking is anytime you try to guess the future outcome of an action you take. For example, ‘I want to ask for a pay raise but what if…?’ Your mind then fills in the blank with many alternate scenarios, almost all of them negative.

Why is it such a problem?

Because it’s a powerful combination of focusing on the negative and the unrealistic. It causes you to suffer through events that may not even happen as you try to predict the future and work out how you’ll cope with all these possible (yet unlikely) scenarios. But the absolute worst thing about ‘what if…’ thinking though, is that it tries to convince you it’s helping. You tell yourself that you’re just preparing yourself, you’re protecting yourself. But what if thinking rarely leads to taking practical, preventative actions (that kind of thinking actually is kind of helpful). Instead, you torture yourself by imagining all sorts of terrible outcomes, all in the name of being ‘prepared’, the idea of which is captured beautifully by this quote:

I’ve lived through many terrible things in my time, some of which actually happened’.

Do not be fooled by ‘what if’ thinking! You are not a fortune teller. Even if you were, mentally rehearsing how you’ll cope with a negative outcome has limited usefulness. You’re much better off just coping with the situation once, when it happens. By torturing yourself imagining all the possible bad things that could happen, you end up living through (by playing them out in your mind) all these horrible possibilities that you don’t have to.

Even if you do get it right, and one of the negative scenarios is the outcome, you’re unlikely to remember your well-rehearsed comeback or safety strategy in the heat of the moment.

Another, separate problem with ‘what if…?’ thinking is that it makes you so fearful of all these potentially hideous outcomes that it stops you from actually living through the situation, if you can at all avoid it.

For example, if you want to ask for a pay rise, then cget aught in a whole lot of negative ‘but what if my boss…’ thoughts, pretty soon you’ve convinced yourself that asking for a raise is actually a terrible idea and not worth the potential pain.

By stopping yourself from acting, not only do you cut off the potential benefits of actually asking (you know, you might get the raise!), but you also cut off the opportunity to see that your predictions were WRONG – because you don’t test them out by entering the situation regardless. Unchallenged like this, ‘What if…’ thinking seems like it actually protects you and seems even more ‘helpful’ next time round.

What can you do about ‘What If? Thinking?’

Move fast!

Once you’ve decided on a course of action, ‘what if’s’ get much louder and soon stop you from taking action. I like to not give them an opportunity. Once you’ve made a decision, force your own hand: make the phone call straight away, enrol and pay for the course, make an appointment in your calendar etc. before your fears and negativity even get a chance to get up off the couch.

Play the opposites game

‘What if I tell them what I’m planning, and they laugh at me?’ Well what if I tell them what I’m planning, and they give me a big hug, tell me it’s an amazing idea and offer to help me for free? For every super negative thought you let through, make yourself imagine the opposite – something wildly, outrageously positive.

This is not ‘positive thinking’ and you don’t need to believe the alternative. This method ‘s power is in helping you to see that both the positive and the negative thought are equally unlikely. It breaks the chain of thinking that brings to your mind other negative possibilities.

Super charge it

The above technique is even more powerful if you write down both thoughts, then go into the situation, and take notice of what actually happens . Did either of your predictions come true? Which one was closer to the actual outcome?

Part of the trouble with ‘what if?’ thinking is that we never stop to check how accurate it is (hint: not very accurate!) and in fact, often don’t even give ourselves the opportunity to check them, because we avoid the situation entirely. But if you try this technique a few times, you’ll start to see how far off your predictions actually are. This means that in the future, you’re much less likely to buy into ‘what if?’ because you know, through experience (not just me telling you!) how useless they are.