Emotional Regulation

Imagine a rainy day, where everything around you is wet and flooded. When you are outside, you walk slower than usual because you are mindful of wet surfaces; when you drive, you drive slower than usual and are extra careful of other cars, because of the rain, the puddles and the slippery road. Going outside is an inconvenience, but like most people, you tolerate it and go about your daily activities.

Even for people who dislike the rain, it would be highly unusual for them to shut down and experience emotional meltdowns because of the rain. This is because it is standard knowledge that the rain will eventually pass and give way to much better weather.

This is an analogy for emotional regulation, just because you are having a bad day, where you find yourself feeling extremely anxious or depressed doesn’t mean that these feelings within you are going to be permanent. In fact, they are not. Typically, people who have a history of overacting to their negative feelings, unintentionally create what is known as a self-fulfilling prophecy. Where they engage in behaviours consistent with their feelings of despair, thereby producing consequences which justify their exaggerated thoughts and negative feelings.

Emotional regulation boils down to waiting out the negative feelings. The process of waiting out the negative feelings doesn’t necessarily mean that the person is literally going to sit there and wait for his negative feelings to subside. Doing just this might cause the negative feelings to intensify, leading to a series of impulsive actions. The process of waiting out negative feelings of an intense nature involves significant distraction of a healthy kind, which will be in the engagement of daily routines. Following through on daily routines may be the last thing, anyone in a negative mindset might consider doing, but it is very effective for three reasons.

You Focus on Other Things. First, it allows you time off the ruminating thoughts which are triggering the negative feelings inside you. You get time off those feelings as you are busy following through on simple and complex tasks which bring about order and a healthy degree of control in your daily life.

New Thoughts Change Your Mood. Second, it makes it easier for you to switch the focus and attitude of your thoughts. For example, let’s say you are engaged in the routine of cleaning your home. So, in the process of honouring your routine, you commit to performing a thorough job of cleaning your home. Such a commitment involves a mindset of optimism. One that calls upon your values of cleanliness and discipline, two values which contradict a negative mindset. This shift in mindset slowly begins the process of putting you in a good mood.

Helps Maintain Stability in Your Life. Third, it maintains a consistency in your external world, giving you stability to fall back upon when you have transitioned out of your negative mindset. This is a big one because when people give into their negative mindsets through their impulsive action, it often leads to a negative cycle from which they struggle to break free off. Meaning that when they inevitably transition out of their negative states of arousal, they often must deal with the negative consequences of their actions while in such states, which leads to a renewed state of negative arousal. As opposed to a situation where their lives continue as usual when they transition out of such negative states.

Herein lies the foundation for being able to emotionally regulate oneself regardless of what may be going on in your life. After all, cooler heads often prevail.