Can you give me tips?

This is an experience people in the helping professions frequently encounter...

Person 'X’ is distressed about the conflicts he has with his parents. He searches for people that can help and gets the contact details of a psychologist ‘A’. X has no experience with availing counselling. He sends text to ‘A’.

“Hello ‘A’, I got your contact from ****. I have **** conflicts with my parents. I am very upset. I can’t move out of my home yet. Please give me tips to solve this situation.”

‘A’ replies to X-“Hello Mr X, I am glad to help. Please come for a counselling session and we can talk it through.”

‘X’ is restless and hopeful of getting a solution immediately. “I need only 5 minutes of your time, not a long process. I am upset. Just give me few quick tips to solve my problem. Consider me as your brother and help.”

‘A’ replies- “Really sorry about what you are facing. Let us talk one to one in detail and see if I can help. Together we can figure a way through what’s bothering you. Please get an appointment fixed.”

‘X’ is upset now. He replies - “ I thought being a Psychologist you will understand people. You are stuck on an appointment. You are greedy, insensitive, no helping nature, interested in money“

Getting requests and being blamed for not tending to people immediately are typical scenarios that many professionals offering counselling and psychotherapy deal with.

Just a Google search can inundate a person with ‘tips’ and ‘how to’ on every possible topic on earth. Is it not! But the point is tips that are put forth, come from the particular person’s school of thought, his background, and possibly, based on evidence-backed work also. Irrespective of the merit they carry, they are certainly not a tailor-made service for the individual.

If a small-sized costume is given to an XXL-sized person because a small-sized dress is the most in-demand and on offer, can an XXL-sized buyer wear it! It is a wrong fit; he can cut it and use as a wipe or donate it. . If a small-sized person is given an XXL-sized dress, he can defer using it when and if he gains that much weight. Each one of these persons needs a proper fitting dress that is tailor-made for them. Coaching programs, tips, or educative material have a place. They impart a standard knowledge or a certain skill based on popular asks of the group. A person can take them and check whether its application helps him. The point to note is he is taking what the giver offers and adopting it.

But counselling tends to the vulnerabilities and uniqueness of each person that seeks it. Two people with the same situation talk to their problem differently depending on their personality, genes, attitude, thinking ability, emotional make-up, age, health condition, and environment. The heart of counselling that makes it unique for the Client and connects with him where he is, is ‘Listening to him empathetically’ and. That creates a humanistic, endearing and safe space for one to feel comfortable with his true self.