Babies Can't Wait

I have just completed a three day intensive training workshop on perinatal and infant mental health…No we were not learning about babies with depression or anxiety (although this can happen), we were learning about the essential relationship of mother/father and baby and how healthy relationships and attachment are the key to supporting an infants mental health.

From conception to birth, a baby is growing and developing physical and mentally and then they are born and they continue to grow, develop, grow, develop and learn. The brain is under major construction while the baby is exposed to the world around them - they are learning cognitively (learning to think), and learning emotionally (what happens when I cry, smile, frown), they are also learning about relationships (who is there for me) and about danger (what is scary, what hurts?).

During this stage of enormous growth, one of the most influential factors on a baby’s understanding of the world is their relationship with their parents. Not only does the parent provide very practical support to their infant, meeting their very basic needs, keeping them clean, fed and warm, they also need to nurture their baby’s emotional development. Emotional support allows the baby to know that they are being heard when they cry, that their feelings matter, that they are enjoyed by, and enjoy their parents.

When women struggle emotionally after the birth of their child often the focus is on the mother, and her ability to cope. The focus on the mother is important because if they are not well they cannot meet the needs of their child. However, something I was reminded of this past weekend was that …Babies can't wait! I don’t mean that they can't wait because they are impatient and they will scream the roof down if they are not attended to (which of course they will), what I mean is that we have a very short window of time to support and nurture an infants brain! The window I speak of is from when they are first conceived to when they are 18 months old! This isn’t to say that we cannot influence a baby’s brain beyond 18 months - of course we can, however, from not long after a baby is conceived they start to learn about their world around them and initially it is all about relationships, their mum, her sounds, and her feelings - yep even in utero a baby is influenced by their mothers emotions, they can be stressed and sad and happy and calm, depending on what they hear (for example calm voices or angry voices), and the levels of stress hormones in their mothers blood stream. Once a baby is born their relationships with their primary caregiver is an essential influence on who they will be as a baby, a child, adolescent and through their adulthood. This is explained by the Attachment Theory.

So what can you do to ensure your child has the best start in life? Other than meeting their basic needs, in the hectic life, we all live, balancing family , work, social and financial demands just to name a few...... Slow down! Take time! Notice the baby in front of you or inside you!

This is a little human who is taking in the world around them, make sure the world they see or feel is full of people who enjoy them, and experiences that nurture them! I’m not saying that you must protect them from all negative emotions, that is not possible or expected! However, we can ensure that we take the time to mindfully connect with them, notice their needs and their personality.

And if you are the father or the uncle or the nanny or aunty of a new baby, connect with that baby... smile, laugh, pull funny faces and delight in their responses - by doing so you are teaching them that they are valued and enjoyed and their brain will benefit in the long run!