We are all born with the potential for love, joy, peace and success but as we grow, the world often constrains and distorts our true self. We may hear messages from our parents about what is expected of us; we may hear judgement from society about who we are; or we may be exposed to conflict or trauma. All these pressures mold and shape our perceptions of ourselves, the world, and what our role is in society. We create beliefs and patterns that we hold deep in our subconscious, which unwittingly alter our thoughts, feelings and behaviour. We begin to see the world through the filter of our unconscious scripts about life and so they become self-fulfilling prophesies that endlessly reconfirm themselves. We constantly long for someone or something to disprove our negative self-beliefs and yet if we find evidence in the world that might contradict these beliefs, we tend to dismiss or undermine those experiences.
And so, many of us become locked into patterns of feeling and behaviour that hold us back from love, joy, peace or success. Instead we may experience self-recrimination, guilt, self-sabotage, and conflict. We look around and see others experiencing similar pain and so we tell ourselves that this is normal. We tell ourselves that we have to change, whilst all the while believing that we are not capable of the changes we strive for. We try to alter patterns of feelings and behaviour when our thoughts and beliefs remain the same. And so we fight a constant war between our conscious and unconscious selves. We make changes but then falling back into old habits. We beat ourselves up and try again but, something seems to get in the way. So we say, “I told you so” and give up for a time. Then when we tire of the unhappiness, pull ourselves together and try again, only to live out the same script. But we don’t have to live this cycle.
To recapture the potentials we had as children, we need to piece together the jigsaw of our psyches so that we can see all the different parts and layers of ourselves. Instead of holding onto beliefs that we imbibed from the world before we were old enough to understand them, we need to challenge those beliefs and make conscious choices about what we believe about ourselves and the world. Once we begin to shift our beliefs, this allows us to change the way we think, which in turn allows us to change the way we feel and behave. In therapy we can learn to stop beating our head against our unconscious, and begin to live consciously.
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