Maya Tomse

Psychotherapist

Verified

“I am a psychotherapist and couples therapist specialising in neurodivergent relationships: couples where ADHD, autism or AuDHD shapes how two people understand one another, whether or not anyone has a diagnosis. I have been in private practice for ten years and work entirely online, with couples in the UK and internationally. I trained in psychotherapy at the University of Edinburgh and in couples work with Relationships Scotland, and I also see individuals, including people whose partner is not yet ready to come.”

About Me

I am Maya Tomse. My background is in psychology, and I went on to train in psychotherapy and then to specialise in couples work. Over the last few years my practice has narrowed to one thing: couples where two people process the world differently, and where that difference has begun to hurt. Some couples arrive because one of them has recently been assessed, or has recognised themselves in something they read. That recognition often explains a great deal and unsettles a great deal at the same time. Years of difficulty suddenly have a name, and with the name comes a question neither partner quite knows how to ask: what does this mean about everything that has already happened between us? Other couples arrive with no diagnosis at all, and no expectation of one. They simply know that they keep arriving at the same place, by a route neither of them can trace. In both cases what I usually see is two people who have become careful around each other. Conversations get shorter. Certain subjects get avoided because of how they went last time. Each partner privately concludes that the other has stopped trying. I rarely see this as a lack of effort, or of love. More often, neither partner has had the language for what keeps happening between them. That does not make it hurt less, but it does mean it can change. Working across cultures as well as neurotypes I work with couples across the UK and in other countries where time zones allow, and I speak English (proficiency), Slovenian (proficiency), Croatian (native) and Spanish (intermediate). A good number of the couples I see are navigating two cultures and two neurotypes at once, different assumptions about family, directness, conflict and privacy, layered on top of different ways of processing the world. Those layers are easily mistaken for one another, and separating them is often where the work begins. Alongside my training, I have my own experience of neurodivergence and of living between countries and languages.

Approach

My original training is in person-centred and psychodynamic psychotherapy, and my work has developed into an integrative approach drawing on emotionally focused therapy, attachment theory, family and systemic therapy, psychosexual therapy, and an understanding of emotional and nervous-system regulation. With neurodivergent couples, none of it works until something else is in place first. Both partners need to want to understand the other one better. Not to agree with them, and not to become more like them. Where that is present, even small pieces of understanding change a great deal, because each partner begins to stop reading the other's behaviour as evidence of not caring. For that reason, a good deal of early work is explanatory. What is happening when one partner shuts down. Why rejection can feel physically painful. What executive function is, and what it is not. Not as a lecture, but as a shared language you can both use in the session and at home. Direction, and how we know whether it is working Early on we work out together what you both want to change. Sometimes that is clear within ten minutes. Often it takes several sessions, and arriving at it is part of the work rather than a delay. Those goals then give the work a direction. We return to them as we go, to review what is shifting and what is not, and to adjust what we are doing. Understanding why something happens matters, but so does leaving a session with a different way of responding when it happens again. What I do not do: I do not treat one partner as the person who needs to be fixed, and I do not treat neurodivergent traits as behaviours to be corrected. I do not hold a view about whether a couple should stay together, and I am not working towards a verdict. I am interested in what sits underneath the patterns between you: how each of you learned to protect yourselves, how you experience closeness and distance, what happens when one of you feels rejected or overwhelmed, and how earlier relationships and family experiences may still be shaping the relationship you are in now.

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Basic Information

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Barcelona, Spain

Online Only

Services

All sessions take place online, by secure video. Most couples join from the same room; some join separately, which is entirely workable and occasionally better. Couples therapy — my main work For couples where ADHD, autism or AuDHD is part of the relationship, diagnosed or not. Common reasons for coming include conflict that repeats without resolving, withdrawal that is experienced as rejection, an unequal share of the planning and remembering, sensory needs that quietly shape daily life, difficulties with intimacy, and repair that somehow never lands. The first session is where we get to know one another and decide together whether we are a good fit. Couples work is very relational, and if the fit is not right the therapy is unlikely to help as much as it could. For that reason I use a full first session rather than offering a short introductory call, fifteen minutes on the phone is not long enough to tell any of us anything useful. In that first meeting I ask a good many questions and take some notes, so that I can begin to understand your relationship, your history together and what each of you would like to change. I do not take notes in the same way later on, when the work becomes more conversational and more focused on what is happening between us in the session. Couples session — 50 minutes £115 Extended couples session — 80 minutes £225 (more layered and deeper work) Individual therapy I see individuals in their own right, and also as a route into relationship work. It is very common for one partner to be more certain about therapy than the other, and some people begin on their own until the other is ready. Working on your own on how you respond within a relationship does change the relationship, because a pattern needs both people in order to keep running, and one partner can alter what they bring to it. It also means that if your partner becomes willing later, you are not starting from the beginning. Individual work also suits people making sense of a recent diagnosis, or of a recognition that has not yet been formally assessed. Individual session — 50 minutes £100

Services Offered:

Relationship Counseling
Counselling for couples or partners focused on improving communication, rebuilding trust, and strengthening emotional connection.
Online Therapy
Therapy sessions conducted over video call, phone, or secure messaging, using the same professional methods delivered remotely.
Learn more about Online Therapy
Psychotherapy
In-depth therapeutic work that explores patterns in thoughts, emotions, and relationships to produce lasting psychological change.
Learn more about Psychotherapy
Counselling
A form of talk therapy providing a safe, confidential space to explore feelings, thoughts, and behaviours with a trained professional.
Learn more about Counselling
Individual Psychotherapy
In-depth one-on-one therapy that explores the deeper roots of a person's difficulties, often drawing on psychodynamic or psychoanalytic models.
Integrative Psychotherapy
An approach that draws on multiple therapeutic models, tailored to the individual, rather than following a single method.
Psychodynamic Therapy
A therapy that explores how past experiences and unconscious patterns shape current feelings, relationships, and behaviour.
Learn more about Psychodynamic Therapy
Couples Therapy
Therapy for partners working on communication, conflict, intimacy, and trust, with both people seen together rather than individually.
Divorce Counselling
Counselling for individuals or couples going through separation or divorce, addressing the emotional, practical, and relational dimensions.
Online Counselling
Counselling conducted via video, phone, or secure messaging, providing professional support remotely.
Learn more about Online Counselling

Works With:

Adults
Couples
Individuals
Parents
Elderly
Families

Area of Expertise

Scope of Practice:

Relationship Issues
Difficulties in romantic relationships, including communication problems, trust breakdowns, conflict patterns, or uncertainty about the relationship's future.
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ADHD / Attention
A neurodevelopmental condition involving persistent difficulty with attention, impulsivity, and/or hyperactivity that interferes with daily functioning.
Learn more about ADHD / Attention
Stress / Burnout
The body and mind's response to prolonged or excessive demands. When sustained, it can lead to emotional exhaustion, detachment, and reduced functioning (burnout).
Learn more about Stress / Burnout
Relocation / Expat
The psychological challenges of moving to a new country or city, including loneliness, culture shock, identity shifts, and loss of social support.
Learn more about Relocation / Expat
Learning or Development Difficulties
Conditions that affect a person's ability to acquire, process, or apply information, such as dyslexia, dyscalculia, or intellectual disability, impacting education and daily life.
Life Transitions
Major life changes, such as relocation, retirement, parenthood, or career shifts, that disrupt routine and require psychological adjustment.
Learn more about Life Transitions
Relationship Counseling
Counselling for couples or partners focused on improving communication, rebuilding trust, and strengthening emotional connection.
Anxiety
Persistent worry, nervousness, or fear that is disproportionate to the situation and interferes with daily functioning.
Learn more about Anxiety
Autism (ASD)
A neurodevelopmental condition affecting social communication, sensory processing, and behaviour patterns, with a wide range of presentations and strengths.
Family Issues
Difficulties within the family system, including conflict, communication breakdown, blended family tensions, or intergenerational patterns, that affect individual and collective well-being.

Professional Title:

Psychotherapist
A professional trained to provide in-depth therapy that explores patterns in thoughts, emotions, and relationships to produce lasting change.