Why Maternal Burnout Is So Common Among Expat Mothers
❝Living abroad while raising children often leads mothers to emotional exhaustion. Without nearby support, many expat moms face maternal burnout, a deep fatigue that goes beyond physical tiredness.❞
Support network is probably one of the most used expressions when we talk about motherhood. There’s a saying that it takes a village to raise a child. But for expat mothers, that village is often just one person, themselves.
Far from family, often without affordable domestic help or babysitting services, and surrounded by new routines and expectations, many mothers abroad end up playing all roles at once. This leaves parents, especially mothers, completely overwhelmed.
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Find Your TherapistNot having family nearby brings emotional stress that accumulates quietly. Some parents can’t travel to help, and others are already elderly or dealing with their own limitations.
How maternal burnout shows up
Burnout doesn’t happen overnight. It creeps in slowly.
Every woman experiences burnout differently, but some common emotional and physical signs deserve attention:
- You start feeling irritable
- Your partner’s presence begins to annoy you
- Small arguments about “who did what” become daily routines
- Constant exhaustion, even after sleeping, you wake up tired
- Emotional numbness, you stop feeling joy even in moments that used to make you happy
- Guilt and self-criticism, a constant feeling of not being good enough
- Forgetfulness and mental fog, struggling to focus or remember simple things
- Physical symptoms, such as headaches, muscle pain, insomnia, or frequent colds
- Withdrawal, avoiding social contact because everything feels like too much effort
These are not signs of weakness. They are signals from your body and mind that you’ve been carrying too much for too long.
The silent belief
The difficulty of asking for help, setting boundaries, and delegating tasks is one of the main roots of emotional exhaustion. Most mothers arrive in therapy already at their limit, physically and emotionally.
There’s a silent belief that asking for help means failing, or that a good mother should be able to handle everything on her own.
So you take it all on: the house, the children, the logistics, the emotions, until there’s no space left for you. And then comes the guilt, the constant feeling that you’re not doing enough, even when you’re doing far beyond your limits.
The trap of perfection
Nobody can stand the perfect mums on Instagram anymore.
The internet is full of routines and advice: how to stimulate your baby, how to organise your day, how to cook everything from scratch, how to wake up at 6 AM with a smile and still keep a spotless home.
It’s exhausting. It makes you feel like you’re always behind. But outside that curated world, most mothers are surrounded by piles of laundry, messy buns, and zero energy left, often without even ten minutes for themselves, let alone an exciting sex life.
Comparing yourself to mothers who have a strong support network is unfair. Even those with plenty of help still feel exhausted sometimes. Because motherhood is demanding for everyone.
A note from me to you
As a perinatal psychologist and a mum myself, I get frustrated when I hear:
“You just need to go to the gym, it’s great for your mental health.”
Of course it is, and if you can, I truly encourage it. But many mothers don’t even have one uninterrupted hour for themselves, or the energy to move after another sleepless night.
When you’re running on empty, your energy doesn’t go into self-care routines or productivity hacks. It goes into survival mode. That’s why we need to start small, to care for ourselves in ways that are possible, not perfect.
Practical ways to care for your mental health abroad
1. Respect your limits
Not everything needs to be done today. After children, the house will never be the same again, and that’s okay. You’re not lazy, you’re a mother who has every right to be tired. Sleep deprivation is even used as a war tactic. No one can stay well without rest; it’s only natural that your body and mind begin to collapse when you keep asking too much of yourself.
2. Remember that delegating can be tiring too
If you have to explain every detail of how to do something, it adds to your load. The mental load. Talk about that with your partner. Support means sharing responsibility, not managing it.
3. Take real breaks outside the house
Even 15 minutes on a park bench with music can help your nervous system reset. Tiny pauses matter.
4. Remember: you need care too
Most mothers I meet in therapy wait too long before seeking help.
They come when they are already on the edge of exhaustion or slipping into depression.
Therapy is your safe, non-judgemental space to release the emotional weight you’ve been carrying. A space where you are seen not only as a mother but also as a woman. A space that understands your insecurities about your body, your stress, and even the childhood wounds that shape the way you mother today.
It invites you to look at your expectations, because the mother you imagined being will not always survive the reality of motherhood. So how do you deal with the moments that don’t go as planned, with the things that slip out of your control?
5. Focus on quality time, not quantity
Sometimes we feel guilty for not spending enough time with our children, or for being physically present but mentally somewhere else. But what truly matters is not how many hours you spend together, but how emotionally available you are in those moments.
You don’t need to be perfect. You just need to be good enough, and that’s already more than enough.
About me:
I’m Brenda Mate, a perinatal psychologist and an expat mother. I’ve lived in several countries, and my son was born in Sweden. I chose to work as an online psychologist not only to balance motherhood and professional life, but also because I’ve seen how deeply mothers need this kind of care. I truly understand what my clients go through because I’ve been there too.
If these words spoke to you, consider them a gentle reminder that you’re not alone. I’m sending you a warm, heartfelt hug.
Important: TherapyRoute does not provide medical advice. All content is for informational purposes and cannot replace consulting a healthcare professional. If you face an emergency, please contact a local emergency service. For immediate emotional support, consider contacting a local helpline.
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About The Author
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Brenda Mate is a qualified Licensed Clinical Psychologists, based in Stockholm, Sweden. With a commitment to mental health, Brenda provides services in , including Psychotherapy and Online Therapy. Brenda has expertise in .
