What To Do If Your Partner Is Depressed

It’s hard enough to take care of our own mental health, so what happens when our partner is depressed? Most of the time, it can be a tricky situation but here are some practical tools and ideas to help your partner:

• Point Out Changes In Behavior. They used to enjoy watching The Office while scarfing down an order of Pad Thai. Now, they can hardly muster a smile or eat a solid meal. Gently point out this change in their behaviour and highlight the joy they used to have. This could also be a wake-up call for them because it’s possible that they might not have noticed the change in themselves; especially, if their depression presents itself in episodes (i.e. a diagnosis of Major Depressive Disorder). Another benefit of addressing the changes in behaviour could be to identify any triggered events such as work-related struggles, the death anniversary of a loved one, or possible hormonal changes which should be ruled out by a medical professional.

• Ask The Hard Question(s). Does Depression run in your family? Have you thought of hurting yourself? Have you ever felt this way before? A hard, albeit useful, realization I’ve come to as a therapist is to stop censoring myself when it comes to asking hard questions. It’s better to voice your concerns to your partner in order for them to hear your sincerity. Keep in mind that tone, timing, and your use of language are crucial when discussing difficult topics. Set aside some time when you know your partner is calm and in a familiar setting such as their home.

• Suggest Treatment & Options. Therapy , Medication, Meditation, Mindfulness, Adventure, Exercise, and much more. There are all viable options to help treat depression. As a holistic therapist, I endorse many different treatment forms. When I help clients work through their depression, I tell them that it is crucial to have a comprehensive treatment plan. Once a person develops a solid individualized treatment plan, they will be better equipped if their depression were to cycle back. Unfortunately, depression cannot be “fixed” or “cured”. However, it can be managed and treated. This difficult truth can be hard to accept but please keep in mind that some of the most brilliant minds have lived with mental illness. Your partner will be in good company — Jim Carrey, Dolly Parton, Michael Phelps, J.K. Rowling, and Owen Wilson — just to name a few.

• Let Them Know. I know it may seem redundant to voice out loud and that it should be a given, but make sure to tell your partner that you are willing to support them through this difficult time. Often times depression has a nasty way of telling people that they are unlovable, will mess up everything in their lives, or any combination of dark negative thoughts. I’ve worked with many wonderful clients who believe that if they disclosing their depression to a loved one cause the relationship to come to a screeching halt.

Shannon Kalberg, LMFT

*DISCLAIMER*: The suggestions above are for gently broaching and discussing depression with a loved one but DO NOT address suicide . If you believe your partner may be suicidal, please call 911 or take them to the nearest emergency room.