Sitting With Loss: A Psychologist’s Reflection On Suicide (Suicide Awareness Month)

On September 11th, during Suicide Awareness Month, I sat across from a long-time friend I had not seen since campus in 2019. We met by chance while I was in her hometown for a conference. We smiled about the old days, the long walks to class, our plans for “where we’d be in five years”, and over a cup of 'Dawa', we compared notes on life’s unexpected turns.

The conversation turned toward grief. She told me that a close friend of hers had died by suicide earlier this year; by all outward measures, she “had it together,” yet privately she had been struggling.

My friend also told me that her father had died by suicide years earlier. I thought of another young, energetic family friend who died by suicide this year, leaving behind a stunned mother and a younger brother who could not understand why. In that moment, the statistics became personal: suicide is not distant; it visits our schools, workplaces, families and communities.

As a psychologist, I write this to honour those we have lost and to offer practical guidance on how we, clinicians, friends, and neighbours, can prevent more deaths.

Warning signs: what to notice (what may indicate someone is at risk)

No single behaviour proves someone is suicidal, but clusters of signs, especially recent changes, raise concern.

Common warning signs include:

• Talking about wanting to die, feeling hopeless, or being a burden to others.
• Looking for means (buying pills, searching online, getting a weapon) or making plans.
• Withdrawing from friends, family and activities; increasing isolation.
• Dramatic mood changes: from deep sadness to sudden calm or relief.
• Giving away prized possessions, writing a will, or saying goodbye.
• Increased substance use or reckless behaviour.
• Sleep disturbances, appetite changes, or unexplained physical complaints.

Learning and recognising these signs can save lives. When you notice several of the above, take action: ask, stay, and connect the person to help. These indicators are drawn from established prevention authorities and clinical guidance.

Myths and facts about suicide (clear, evidence-based corrections)

Prevention and intervention: practical steps (for friends, family, workplaces)

If you’re with someone who may be suicidal, follow these immediate steps:

Ask directly but compassionately

“I’m worried about you. Are you thinking about hurting yourself or ending your life?” Direct questions don’t increase risk and can give the person relief.

Listen without judgement

Validate the person’s pain: “That sounds unbearably hard. Thank you for telling me.” Avoid minimising.

Stay and remove the immediate means

Stay with them (physically or on the phone) and remove immediate means if safe to do so. If firearms, pesticides, or large quantities of medication are accessible, reduce access temporarily. Means restriction is a proven prevention strategy.

Get professional help

If you believe there is an immediate risk, call emergency services or a crisis line. In Kenya, confidential crisis support includes Befrienders Kenya at +254 722 178 177 and other local helplines; if someone is in immediate danger, call your local emergency number.

Create a safety plan

Identify warning signs, personal coping strategies, contacts who can help, professionals to call, and ways to make the environment safer. Clinicians often use a brief Safety Planning Intervention (SPI) as an evidence-based, collaborative tool.

Supporting someone after a loss by suicide

Acknowledge the Pain: Avoid platitudes. “I’m so sorry” and “I’m here” are simple but important.

Encourage Dialogue: Encourage open, non-judgmental talk about the person who died; silence and secrecy increase isolation and stigma.

Monitor Wellbeing: Watch for signs of complicated grief and elevated suicide risk in mourners; refer to professional support as needed.

Offer Logistics: Offer practical help (meals, child care, help with paperwork), grief often leaves people overwhelmed, not only emotionally but logistically.

Final note from a psychologist

Loss by suicide leaves wounds that run very deep in families, workplaces, and communities. Yet suicide is preventable. Small actions matter: a timely question, a listening ear, removing access to lethal means, a safety plan, and connecting a person to treatment.

This month, and every month, let us commit to listening without judgement, educating ourselves and others, and creating safer environments, because every life saved is the work of many hands.