Self-Soothing

Definition

Self-soothing is a distress tolerance skill from Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) that involves using your five senses to comfort and calm yourself during times of emotional distress. These techniques help you nurture yourself through difficult moments, providing gentle relief from intense emotions and creating a sense of safety and comfort when you're struggling.

What Self-Soothing Means

The Purpose of Self-Soothing

When you practice self-soothing, you treat yourself with the same kindness and care you would offer a good friend who was suffering. You use pleasant sensory experiences to counteract emotional pain and create moments of peace during difficult times.

Self-Soothing vs. Self-Indulgence

Self-soothing is different from self-indulgence because it focuses on healthy, nurturing activities that genuinely comfort you without causing harm or creating additional problems. The goal is healing and comfort, not escape or excess.

When You Need Self-Soothing

You can use self-soothing when you're feeling emotionally overwhelmed, experiencing grief or loss, dealing with anxiety or panic, feeling lonely or disconnected, or going through any situation that causes emotional pain.

Self-Soothing Through Vision

Using Your Sense of Sight

You can soothe yourself visually by looking at beautiful, calming, or meaningful images that bring you comfort and peace. Visual self-soothing can quickly shift your emotional state and provide relief from distress.

Visual Self-Soothing Options

You can look at photos of loved ones or happy memories, watch nature scenes or calming videos, observe beautiful art or inspiring images, look at the sky, clouds, or stars, watch a peaceful fire or candles, or create a vision board of things that bring you joy.

Creating Visual Comfort

Keep a collection of comforting images easily accessible on your phone or computer, create a peaceful space in your home with visually soothing elements, or spend time in naturally beautiful environments when possible.

Self-Soothing Through Hearing

Using Your Sense of Sound

You can comfort yourself through sounds that feel peaceful, calming, or emotionally supportive. Auditory self-soothing can help regulate your nervous system and create a sense of safety and comfort.

Auditory Self-Soothing Options

You can listen to calming music or nature sounds, play recordings of loved ones' voices, listen to guided meditations or soothing podcasts, enjoy the sound of rain, ocean waves, or wind, sing or hum songs that comfort you, or listen to religious or spiritual music if that brings you peace.

Building Your Sound Library

Create playlists of music that soothes you, find nature sound apps or recordings, record meaningful voices or messages, and experiment with different types of sounds to discover what works best for you.

Self-Soothing Through Smell

Using Your Sense of Scent

Scents can powerfully affect your emotions and can quickly help you feel calmer and more grounded. Olfactory self-soothing can create immediate comfort and help you feel more present and peaceful.

Scent-Based Self-Soothing Options

You can use essential oils like lavender or chamomile, light scented candles or incense, smell flowers or plants, use scented lotions or bath products, bake or cook foods with comforting aromas, or keep a small item with a meaningful scent nearby.

Safety with Scents

Make sure any scents you use don't trigger allergies or sensitivities, and be mindful of others around you who might be affected by strong scents. Choose natural options when possible.

Self-Soothing Through Taste

Using Your Sense of Taste

You can comfort yourself through tastes that feel nurturing and pleasant. Gustatory self-soothing should focus on mindful, moderate enjoyment rather than emotional eating or overconsumption.

Taste-Based Self-Soothing Options

You can sip herbal tea or warm beverages, eat small amounts of comfort foods mindfully, enjoy fresh fruits or other healthy treats, chew gum or suck on mints, drink cold water or flavoured beverages, or savour foods with meaningful associations.

Mindful Eating for Comfort

Focus on truly tasting and enjoying what you consume, eat slowly and pay attention to flavours and textures, choose foods that genuinely comfort you without causing guilt, and avoid using food as your only coping strategy.

Self-Soothing Through Touch

Using Your Sense of Touch

Physical comfort can be deeply soothing and help you feel more grounded and secure. Tactile self-soothing can help regulate your nervous system and provide immediate comfort during distress.

Touch-Based Self-Soothing Options

You can take a warm bath or shower, use soft blankets or comfortable clothing, give yourself a gentle massage or use a massage tool, hold a pet or stuffed animal, use heating pads or cold packs, or engage in gentle stretching or yoga.

Creating Physical Comfort

Keep soft, comforting items easily accessible, create cosy spaces in your home, experiment with different temperatures and textures, and find physical activities that feel nurturing rather than demanding.

Research and Evidence

What Studies Show

Research demonstrates that self-soothing techniques effectively reduce acute emotional distress, help regulate the nervous system during stress, provide healthy coping alternatives to harmful behaviours, improve overall emotional well-being, and support resilience during difficult times.

International Applications

Studies from Europe, Asia, and Australia confirm the effectiveness of sensory-based self-soothing across diverse cultural contexts, with adaptations for different cultural practices and available resources.

Building Your Self-Soothing Toolkit

Exploring Your Preferences

Experiment with different sensory experiences to discover what soothes you most effectively. What works for others might not work for you, so it's important to find your personal preferences.

Creating Accessibility

Keep self-soothing items easily available in your home, car, and workplace. Having quick access to comforting sensory experiences makes it more likely you'll use them when needed.

Preparing for Different Situations

Build a toolkit that includes options for different settings (home, work, public places), different moods and energy levels, and different types of distress you might experience.

Using Self-Soothing Effectively

Timing and Context

Self-soothing works best when you use it as soon as you notice emotional distress beginning, rather than waiting until you're completely overwhelmed. Early intervention is often more effective.

Combining Senses

You can use multiple senses together for a greater soothing effect. For example, you might listen to calming music while taking a warm bath with pleasant scents, or look at beautiful images while drinking herbal tea.

Quality Over Quantity

Focus on truly experiencing and enjoying your self-soothing activities rather than rushing through them. Mindful attention to sensory experiences increases their effectiveness.

Common Challenges and Solutions

Feeling Guilty About Self-Care

Some people feel selfish or guilty about taking time for self-soothing. Remember that taking care of yourself helps you be more available and effective for others in your life.

When Nothing Feels Soothing

If you're very distressed, you might need to try several different techniques or combine self-soothing with other crisis survival skills like TIPP to reduce emotional intensity first.

Limited Resources

Self-soothing doesn't require expensive items or special equipment. Many effective techniques use simple, accessible items or experiences available in most environments.

Cultural and Personal Considerations

Individual Differences

Your most effective self-soothing techniques will depend on your personal preferences, cultural background, sensory sensitivities, and life experiences. What soothes one person might not work for another.

Cultural Practices

Many cultures have traditional self-soothing practices that you can incorporate into your toolkit. These might include specific foods, scents, music, or physical practices that have cultural significance for you.

Professional Applications

If You're Receiving Treatment

Your therapist should help you identify your most effective self-soothing techniques, practice using them during calm moments, address any guilt or resistance about self-care, and integrate self-soothing into your broader coping strategy.

For Mental Health Professionals

When teaching self-soothing, you should help clients explore all five senses, address barriers to self-care, adapt techniques to individual preferences and circumstances, and model self-soothing attitudes and behaviours.

Relationship to Other DBT Skills

Integration with Other Modules

• Distress tolerance: Self-soothing is one of several crisis survival skills
• Mindfulness: Present-moment awareness enhances the effectiveness of sensory experiences
• Emotion regulation: Self-soothing provides comfort that supports longer-term emotion regulation
• Interpersonal effectiveness: Taking care of yourself helps you show up better in relationships

Your Self-Soothing Plan

Assessment and Exploration

Identify which senses you naturally turn to for comfort, experiment with new sensory experiences, notice what works best for different types of distress, and gather materials for your self-soothing toolkit.

Implementation Strategy

Practice self-soothing when you're calm so it's available during a crisis, keep soothing items easily accessible, use self-soothing proactively rather than waiting for a crisis, and combine techniques for greater effectiveness.

Moving Forward

Building Self-Compassion

As you practice self-soothing, you'll likely develop greater self-compassion and a stronger sense that you deserve comfort and care during difficult times.

Long-term Benefits

Regular use of self-soothing often leads to improved emotional regulation, increased resilience during stress, better self-care habits, reduced reliance on harmful coping strategies, and greater overall well-being.

Conclusion

Self-soothing provides you with gentle, nurturing tools for comforting yourself during emotional distress. These techniques help you treat yourself with kindness and care, creating moments of peace and comfort that support your overall emotional well-being and resilience.

References

Linehan, M. M. (2015). DBT Skills Training Manual (2nd ed.). Guilford Press. https://books.google.com.ph/books/about/DBT_Skills_Training_Manual.html?id=QsJ9EQAAQBAJ&redir_esc=y
PositivePsychology.com. (2022, January 20). 4 best self-soothing techniques and strategies to start using today. https://positivepsychology.com/self-soothing/