Self-Soothing

Definition

Self-soothing is a distress tolerance skill from Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) that involves using your five senses to comfort and calm yourself during times of emotional distress. These techniques help you nurture yourself through difficult moments, providing gentle relief from intense emotions and creating a sense of safety and comfort when you're struggling.

What Self-Soothing Means

The Purpose of Self-Soothing

When you practice self-soothing, you treat yourself with the same kindness and care you would offer a good friend who was suffering. You use pleasant sensory experiences to counteract emotional pain and create moments of peace during difficult times.

Self-Soothing vs. Self-Indulgence

Self-soothing is different from self-indulgence because it focuses on healthy, nurturing activities that genuinely comfort you without causing harm or creating additional problems. The goal is healing and comfort, not escape or excess.

Self-Soothing Through Vision

Self-Soothing Through Hearing

Benefit: Auditory self-soothing can help regulate your nervous system and create a sense of safety and comfort by using sounds that feel peaceful, calming, or emotionally supportive.
Options: You can listen to calming music, nature sounds like rain or ocean waves, guided meditations, or recordings of loved ones' voices. Other options include singing or humming songs that comfort you, or listening to religious or spiritual music if that brings you peace.
Accessibility: Build your sound library by creating playlists of music that soothes you, finding nature sound apps, recording meaningful voices or messages, and experimenting with different sounds to discover what works best for you.

Self-Soothing Through Smell

Benefit: Scents can powerfully affect your emotions and can quickly help you feel calmer and more grounded. Olfactory self-soothing can create immediate comfort and help you feel more present and peaceful.
Options: You can use essential oils like lavender or chamomile, light scented candles or incense, smell flowers, or use scented lotions. Other ways to find comfort include baking foods with comforting aromas or keeping a small item with a meaningful scent nearby.
Safety: Make sure any scents you use don't trigger allergies or sensitivities, and be mindful of others around you who might be affected by strong scents. Choose natural options when possible.

Self-Soothing Through Taste

Benefit: You can comfort yourself through tastes that feel nurturing and pleasant. Gustatory self-soothing should focus on mindful, moderate enjoyment rather than emotional eating or overconsumption.
Options: You can sip herbal tea or warm beverages, eat small amounts of comfort foods mindfully, or enjoy fresh fruits and other healthy treats. Other options include chewing gum or sucking on mints, drinking cold water, or savouring foods with meaningful associations.
Mindful Practice: Focus on truly tasting and enjoying flavours and textures by eating slowly. Choose foods that genuinely comfort you without causing guilt, and avoid using food as your only coping strategy.

Self-Soothing Through Touch

Benefit: Physical comfort can be deeply soothing and help you feel more grounded and secure. Tactile self-soothing can help regulate your nervous system and provide immediate comfort during distress.
Options: You can take a warm bath or shower, use soft blankets or comfortable clothing, give yourself a gentle massage, or hold a pet or stuffed animal. Other options include using heating pads or cold packs, or engaging in gentle stretching or yoga.
Accessibility: Keep soft, comforting items easily accessible and create cosy spaces in your home. Experiment with different temperatures and textures, and find physical activities that feel nurturing rather than demanding.

Research and Evidence

What Studies Show

Research demonstrates that self-soothing techniques effectively reduce acute emotional distress, help regulate the nervous system during stress, provide healthy coping alternatives to harmful behaviours, improve overall emotional well-being, and support resilience during difficult times.

International Applications

Studies from Europe, Asia, and Australia suggest sensory-based self-soothing works well across different cultures. Each place adapts the techniques to fit local traditions and what's available.

Individual Differences

Your most effective self-soothing techniques will depend on your personal preferences, cultural background, sensory sensitivities, and life experiences. What soothes one person might not work for another.

Building Your Self-Soothing Toolkit

Exploring Your Preferences

Experiment with different sensory experiences to discover what soothes you most effectively. What works for others might not work for you, so it's important to find your personal preferences.

Creating Accessibility

Keep self-soothing items easily available in your home, car, and workplace. Having quick access to comforting sensory experiences makes it more likely you'll use them when needed.

Preparing for Different Situations

Build a toolkit that includes options for different settings (home, work, public places), different moods and energy levels, and different types of distress you might experience.

Using Self-Soothing Effectively

Timing and Context

Self-soothing works best when you use it as soon as you notice emotional distress beginning, rather than waiting until you're completely overwhelmed. Early intervention is often more effective. You can use self-soothing when you're feeling emotionally overwhelmed, experiencing grief or loss, dealing with anxiety or panic, feeling lonely or disconnected, or going through any situation that causes emotional pain.

Combining Senses

You can use multiple senses together for greater soothing effect. For example, you might listen to calming music while taking a warm bath with pleasant scents, or look at beautiful images while drinking herbal tea.

Quality Over Quantity

Focus on truly experiencing and enjoying your self-soothing activities rather than rushing through them. Mindful attention to sensory experiences increases their effectiveness.

Common Challenges and Solutions

Feeling Guilty About Self-Care

Some people feel selfish or guilty about taking time for self-soothing. Remember that taking care of yourself helps you be more available and effective for others in your life.

When Nothing Feels Soothing

If you're very distressed, you might need to try several different techniques or combine self-soothing with other crisis survival skills like TIPP to reduce emotional intensity first.

Limited Resources

Self-soothing doesn't require expensive items or special equipment. Many effective techniques use simple, accessible items or experiences available in most environments.

Professional Applications

If You're Receiving Treatment

Your therapist should help you identify your most effective self-soothing techniques, practice using them during calm moments, address any guilt or resistance about self-care, and integrate self-soothing into your broader coping strategy.

For Mental Health Professionals

When teaching self-soothing, you should help clients explore all five senses, address barriers to self-care, adapt techniques to individual preferences and circumstances, and model self-soothing attitudes and behaviours.

Relationship to Other DBT Skills

Integration with Other Modules

- Distress tolerance: Self-soothing is one of several crisis survival skills
- Mindfulness: Present-moment awareness enhances the effectiveness of sensory experiences
- Emotion regulation: Self-soothing provides comfort that supports longer-term emotion regulation
- Interpersonal effectiveness: Taking care of yourself helps you show up better in relationships

Conclusion

Self-soothing offers a gentle way to comfort yourself during emotional distress. These techniques help you treat yourself with kindness and care, creating moments of peace and comfort that support your overall emotional well-being and resilience. As you practice self-soothing, you'll likely develop greater self-compassion and a stronger sense that you deserve comfort and care during difficult times.

References

Linehan, M. M. (2015). DBT Skills Training Manual (2nd ed.). Guilford Press. https://books.google.com.ph/books/about/DBT_Skills_Training_Manual.html?id=QsJ9EQAAQBAJ&redir_esc=y
PositivePsychology.com. (2022, January 20). 4 best self-soothing techniques and strategies to start using today. https://positivepsychology.com/self-soothing/