Resiliency, Hope and the Coffee Bean
When life gets tough, how do you respond? The parable of the carrot, egg, and coffee teaches us about resilience and the power to transform adversity into strength.
There is a parable, author unknown, which circulates periodically about the carrots, the egg, and the coffee. As the story goes, a young woman visited her mother during a rough patch in her life, explaining that she wanted to give up because she was tired of fighting and struggling. Her mother took her to the kitchen, filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire to boil. Into the first pot she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil, without saying a word.
In about twenty minutes, the mother turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl. Turning to her daughter, she asked, "Tell me what you see."
"Carrots, eggs, and coffee," replied the daughter.
Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard-boiled egg. Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee. As she tasted the rich aroma of the coffee, daughter smiled.
The daughter then asked, "What does it mean, mother?" Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity: boiling water. Each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its insides became hardened. The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.
"Which are you?" she asked her daughter. "When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean? Are you the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do you wilt and lose your strength? Or are you the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with heat? Did you have a fluid spirit, but after a death, breakup, financial hardship or some other trial, have you become rigid and stiff? Does your shell look the same, but on the inside are you bitter and tough, disconnected from spirit with a hardened heart? Or are you like the coffee bean? The bean actually transforms the hot water, the very circumstance that brings it pain. When the water gets hot, the coffee releases its fragrance and flavor. If you are like the coffee bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you. When the hour is darkest and challenges are their greatest, do you elevate yourself to another level?"
As the parable aptly points out, we can choose to respond to adversity in a way that is helpful to ourselves and others around us. In our role as therapists who often meet individuals at traumatic turning points in their lives, we are in an ideal position to stay attuned to ways of helping clients to tap into their resiliency and hope. When a tragedy or trauma hits, it is easy to feel initially devastated and overwhelmed. Yet current psychological research consistently supports the notion that humans have an innate potential for bouncing back and that optimism is one of the key factors in regaining the traction needed to get back on track with healthy, normative functioning.
Having hope and maintaining an optimistic outlook allows one to visualise forward progress, rather than staying stuck in the negatives, the fears or the what-ifs. Returning to life and re-building one’s life following a disaster or a tragedy can be difficult, but the ability to tap into hope can assist individuals to stay energised and motivated to carry on despite doubts, uncertainties, and emotional turmoil.
Each person must find his or her individual way of creating hope, but there are some basic strategies to consider: Develop a goal and aim for it. Take responsibility for the future. Expect some successes. Use positive self-talk. Choose to surround yourself with positive stories and positive people. Remind yourself that recovery is possible. Remember that people can change themselves and their environments.
* Here’s to the coffee in you.
About the Author
Sandra Wartski, Psy.D. is a psychologist in Raleigh, North Carolina, USA. She is also a mom who has special interest in feeding her family nutritiously and efficiently.
Important:
TherapyRoute does not provide medical advice. All content is for informational purposes and cannot replace consulting a healthcare professional. If you face an emergency, please contact a local emergency service. For immediate emotional support, consider contacting a local helpline.
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