Reclaiming Sexuality and Desire

What if we had grown up with these life-affirming truths? What if our sexuality was being honoured as our birthright? What if the sanctity of our bodies was a core value held by society, mirrored by our family and reflected by our community? What if all consensual explorations of sexuality were seen as part of our human experience? What if diversity was celebrated and all individual choices based on consent were respected?

All life is sacred.

Your body is a living temple.

Sex is raw life force; it is connection to all of life.

We are born of sex.

Sexuality is sacred.

In our society, sex is tricky. The invention of the pill and the sexual revolution of the ’60s have given (foremost white privileged) women much greater control over their sexuality and made sex outside of conventional heterosexual marriage acceptable, yet we cannot escape the commercialization of sex and particularly women as sexual objects and a prevalence of rape culture, reflecting anything but true sexual liberation.

While the equal rights of non-hetero-normative people are threatened or denied, sexual assault perpetrators on college campuses so often walk away free from their violent actions due to a failed justice system, and sexual abuse is a leading health risk for children, most often perpetrated by a family member or known person.

Often, children who were abused at a young age were robbed of their natural innocence of exploring their bodies. An inherent curiosity about their bodies and the bodies of others and a natural desire for pleasure have been taken, twisted, and used through acts of violence and for the selfish need of the perpetrator.

Many who have experienced sexual abuse and the exploitation of their bodies have learned to mistrust their bodies and emotions and may feel afraid or disconnected from their sensuality, desires and experiences of pleasure.

Some may have "learned" to hate their bodies or feel disturbed by their sexual turn-ons and fantasies, and some take refuge in self-punishing or self-denying behaviours.

As therapists or health practitioners working with those who have experienced childhood sexual abuse, we assist people in the process of uncovering and reclaiming their sensuality, sexuality, desire and passion.

A sex-affirmative or sex-positive approach to trauma-informed healing encourages and supports survivors to say ‘no’ as much as to say ‘yes’; to set boundaries as much as to welcome intimacy, and ultimately to freely choose one's sexual experiences and expressions from an empowered place and move from coping to thriving in your sexuality as much as in the rest of your life.

Those who are healing from sexual abuse and violence can reclaim their sexuality through the use of hypnotherapy , Reiki or other trauma-informed care so that they may not only be free from flashbacks in intimate situations or enjoy sex free of triggers but clients can also learn to utilize breathing techniques, guided imagery, dialogue with the body or energy healing techniques to release blockages that may be preventing a full and fulfilling sexual expression of the self.

When we work on reclaiming sex, we work not just with our bodies but also with our minds. Yes, we invite our senses to open to the present moment and learn to trust ourselves in exploring pleasure. And we work on removing the damaging layers of traumatic memories and experiences and societal, cultural and political messages. We help uncover that authentic core self, that core that is whole and complete and alive with vital life force. Clients learn to use the power of their sexual energy as a positive, creative force in their lives.

To reclaim the sexual self, one's sexual power, we call sex back from all the places it was taken from us; we call sex back from former lovers or those we wish we would not have been lovers with; we call sex back from those who violated us and those who disappointed, and we call sex back from those who make us feel sexy and those who don’t. Calling sex back means that this is your energy. It is life force energy running through all living things. You can begin to feel this energy up and down through your body, connecting you to earth and sky.

Guiding those who have experienced sexual abuse in the process of reclaiming sex, we are assisting them also in releasing shame, guilt and suffering and reclaiming pleasure, passion, power and self-determination. Access to our own vital life force allows us to use this energy to fuel all our endeavours, whether to dance, create art, garden, work, study, stand up for justice and equal rights or make love with our whole selves.

What Does Science Say?

Scientific research informs the techniques and strategies employed to aid survivors of sexual trauma in reclaiming their sexuality.

Psychology recognises the profound impact of sexual trauma on an individual's sense of self, especially in the context of their sexuality. For example, a study by Walsh, DiLillo, and Scalora (2011) in the Journal of Interpersonal Violence points out that a history of childhood sexual abuse is associated with heightened sexual anxiety and avoidance in adulthood.

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) and Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) have been found effective in helping individuals navigate through their trauma-related issues. Often, these therapies include a focus on mindfulness and acceptance strategies, which can, in particular, help individuals reclaim their sexuality post-trauma. A research article by Easton, Saltzman, and Willis (2014) in the Journal of Cognitive and Behavioural Practice reinforces this, revealing that these therapies can contribute significantly to the recovery of sexual assault victims.

Sex positivity — promoting open, respectful, and judgement-free dialogues about sex — can be incredibly powerful in this context. A study in the Journal of Counseling Psychology by Fahs and Swank (2013) suggests that women who adopt sex-positive attitudes report greater sexual satisfaction, higher self-esteem and more resilience against societal stigma.

Lastly, in a paper published in the Journal of Trauma, Violence, and Abuse, Maltz (2002) suggests practical steps towards reclaiming sexual health post-trauma, including understanding healthy sexuality, addressing false beliefs, and establishing trust and communication with partners.

Key Takeaways

• Trauma, especially sexual trauma, can significantly impact an individual's sexual behaviours and attitudes towards sex, often leading to conditions like PTSD. A fuller understanding of this can lead to more effective and compassionate support systems.
  
• Empathy, both from therapists and self-empathy, is a cornerstone in the healing process for survivors of sexual abuse. It fosters a safe environment and helps survivors accept and navigate their experiences.
  
• Research supports the positive outcomes from therapy that incorporate insights from the Sex Positivity Movement, such as increased sexual self-confidence and resilience against societal stigma.
  
• Survivors can undertake practical steps to reclaim control over their sex life, such as engaging in open communication, enforcing boundaries, exploring non-sexual body acceptance, and actively challenging negative thoughts around sex.
  
• Successful recovery from trauma involves not only surviving but also thriving by rebuilding an empowered, consensual, and pleasurable sex life. It is a testament to the human spirit's resilience and the boundless potential of hope and healing.

FAQ

Why is reclaiming sexuality important after experiencing sexual abuse?

Reclaiming sexuality is a vital aspect of healing from sexual abuse because it fosters personal empowerment. It represents the shifting of control back into the survivor's hands, allowing them to redefine their sexual experiences positively rather than associating it with harm or trauma.

How can a therapist assist in the process of reclaiming sexuality?

A therapist provides an understanding, non-judgemental environment in which survivors can freely communicate their thoughts and feelings. They encourage reflection, offer strategies for coping, and empower the individual to navigate obstacles along their healing journey. They also utilise research-supported therapies to help survivors heal from their past sexual trauma and reclaim their sexuality.

How can an individual actively take steps to reclaim their sexuality?

There are many practical strategies for reclaiming one's sexuality; this includes setting personal boundaries, communicating openly about their desires, discomforts, and limits, exploring their bodies in a non-sexual context to regain comfort, challenging negative beliefs about sex, and seeking therapeutic support. Remember, every journey of healing is unique, and what works for one person may not necessarily work for another.

What does science say about therapies that focus on reclaiming sexuality?

Numerous scientific literature supports the efficacy of therapies that focus on reclaiming sexuality, such as Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) and Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT). For instance, research indicates these therapies' success in contributing to the recovery of sexual assault victims.

How does sex positivity aid in the process of reclaiming sexuality?

Embracing sex positivity encourages openness about sexual topics, helping to break down the stigma around discussing sex. It promotes respect for personal choices, consent, and diversity in sexual experiences, all of which are crucial in the journey of survivors reclaiming their sexuality.