Natural Parenting: A Point Of View From A Jungian Psychologist

After my son was born, I read a lot of information about infant care. I knew the basic principles of psychology, but they didn’t help much with a small child. How do you get him to sleep when nothing works? How do you form attachment when you’re exhausted?

At the time, I came across a natural parenting blog and initially recoiled. It seemed to me that it was run by some kind of crazy cult followers.

Later, I calmed down, thought it over, went back, and started studying the information.

I was kicked out of the first community when I wrote that I don’t judge mothers who formula-feed.

I found another community, one that was softer and more tolerant. Although it was sometimes hard to hold back from commenting on vaccines (I’m for them; mothers in natural parenting groups are mostly against them), it turned out to be possible to coexist peacefully, giving and receiving support, even when mothers had different views.

So what conclusions did I draw as a psychologist?

In addition to my own experience and conversations with other mothers, I studied scientific sources on sleep, breastfeeding, and infant care, and I am also very familiar with attachment theory.

As a Jungian psychologist, I also see parenting through the lens of archetypes. The transition into parenthood often activates the Mother archetype, one of the most powerful patterns in the collective unconscious. This archetype carries images of nurturing, protection, sacrifice, and unconditional care. While it can guide us toward attunement with our children, it can also create unrealistic expectations. Many mothers unconsciously compare themselves to an idealised image of the “perfect mother” and experience guilt when reality does not match the archetype.

In my experience, some of the strongest conflicts around natural parenting arise when parents confuse archetypal ideals with practical realities. The image of the endlessly patient, self-sacrificing mother may be psychologically meaningful, but no real person can embody it perfectly. When parents try to do so, they often become exhausted, resentful, or ashamed.

From a Jungian perspective, healthy parenting is not about becoming the perfect mother or father. It is about developing a conscious relationship with these archetypal expectations, recognising which ones genuinely serve the child and which ones have become rigid ideals imposed by culture, family history, or parenting communities.

A lot of the information on natural parenting has a solid foundation and really does help with infants. In these communities, they say the goal of all actions is to meet children’s innate expectations and live your adult life while accounting for the changes. In other words, to respond to needs, to create a stable and safe environment, which leads to secure attachment in the child and allows them to develop well.

And I can say that co-sleeping, breastfeeding, no separations from the mother for the first six months, babywearing, and quickly responding to crying, these are all good methods for forming secure attachment. Although there are no full-scale scientific studies on this topic yet. And I doubt they will appear anytime soon; in such studies, it’s difficult to maintain ethical standards and data purity.

But we can rely on the experience of hunter-gatherers. In such communities, humans evolved and lived for 95% of their history. And several thousand years of modern civilisation have not changed the needs of human infants.

Among hunter-gatherers, the basic principles of natural parenting were observed. I am only talking about general principles because in natural parenting communities, strange ideas circulate, ideas driven by social beliefs rather than evolution. For example, which side of the bed the wife should sleep on so as not to disrupt the family hierarchy.

At the same time, hunter-gatherers had one important difference from modern parents: they raised their children together. There are known tribes where fathers carry infants in slings and offer their own nipple when the mother is not around. According to some studies, an infant might be held by as many as 17 different people in a single day. But it’s important to understand that this is one tribe, these are people familiar to the child, and the mother still breastfeeds quite often. This is very different from modern situations where six-month-old children spend a full day in a nursery lying in cribs, or where adapting to daycare involves tantrums and tears.

Nowadays, mothers don’t have a 'village of attachment.' Often, there isn’t even help from a husband or grandmother. There’s also no way to restore their resources. In such a state, there’s no energy left to accept the child, organise sleep and feeding, etc., according to expert recommendations. At the same time, mothers are made to feel guilty for any action they take.

Among hunter-gatherers, mothers rested just as much as other members of the community. They also returned to work relatively quickly and were not cut off from their previous lives, as modern women often are.

In today’s reality, I am sceptical about the idea of having an 'active life with a child.' Yes, the idea itself is sound, and it’s great to strive for it. Some people manage it. But the world is still poorly adapted to mothers, especially working mothers. Most women have to exhaust all their resources to keep up with everything.

So, I have concluded that natural parenting methods have a solid foundation and strengthen attachment. But does this mean that mothers are obligated to follow these principles, or else they will traumatise their children?

No, I don’t think so. Attachment is influenced by many factors, and most of all, as research shows, quality time with the child matters. Not the amount of time the mother spent with the infant, but her responsiveness to the child’s needs and contact.

Yes, physical contact is important for an infant, because in the early days, children perceive the world through their bodies. But equally important is the attitude of the people caring for the child, their consistency, their responses, their engagement.

This is an experience that mothers have to discover on their own with their children. And other people’s opinions can either help or hinder.

The only thing that would alarm me is a mother’s complete unwillingness to engage with her child. For example, going on vacation without the infant right after giving birth, or using harsh self-soothing methods where a newborn is left to scream in a crib in another room, and no one goes to them all night. From experience, in such cases, the parents usually have attachment trauma, depression, or a strong dependency on another person.

But if we’re not talking about extremes, then mothers can relax. You are doing your best for your children.

The ideal way forward is to learn to listen to your intuition. Most people have difficulty with this; we often mistake other people’s beliefs for intuition. That’s something I want to explore in my next article.

And if parenting feels overwhelming right now, remember that you do not have to face it alone. Whether you are struggling with stress, guilt, exhaustion, attachment concerns, or the impact of your own childhood experiences, speaking with a therapist can provide support and perspective.

Reference

Tronick, E. Z., Morelli, G. A., & Ivey, P. K. (1992). The Efe forager infant and toddler's pattern of social relationships: Multiple and simultaneous. Developmental Psychology, 28(4), 568–577. https://doi.org/10.1037/0012-1649.28.4.568