How I Overcame Low Self-Esteem And Subtle Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD)

A lot of individuals have had their self-esteem threatened and are gradually becoming a shadow of themselves.

My dad is muscular and has large palms. I have a striking resemblance to him, coupled with his masculine palms and feet. (This is to tell you that my dad is drop-dead gorgeous.)

I began to feel bad when I noticed that in Junior secondary school, my palms and feet were larger than those of my peers and siblings. My tummy was also not the flat tummy of my mum; I envy the tummy of my younger siblings. The threatened body self-esteem was so subtle that it gradually led to body dysmorphia and a decline in confidence.

I remember the days when I would say, "Dad, why did I even resemble you? Why didn't I take after Mum? Why is it only skin colour I took from Mum?"

On other days I would say; "I wish I could use a knife to slice off this extra flesh. My dad would laugh and say the knife is not far-fetched; it is in the kitchen." And he would go ahead to say, "God created you perfectly, and you are beautiful.

How, Then, Did I Overcome The Subtle Body Dysmorphia?

Support system

I have a very good support group. Back then, whenever I spoke lowly about my body morphology, my parents never ceased to tell me how beautiful I was. This helped me regain body self-confidence very quickly.

Positive affirmations

I love positive feedback, and I love to hear it. I don't wait for anyone to say it to me; I rather stand in front of the mirror and praise myself.

I would say,

"Don't you know you are beautiful? Very beautiful at that."

"Your naturally endowed eyelashes are what people pay money for in lash fixing."

"Your beautiful eyelids make it look like you use an eye pencil."

"Your eyebrows are second to none, so beautiful, and your hair is so rich and very black."

"Your dentition is so enchanting."

"The power in your smiles can make a man forget his pain and want to remain in the glory of your smiles."

"Your love writing skills can make two men engage in a fight over you." etc.,

I took time to praise everything I love about myself, and gradually, the masculine feet and palms began to look slender.

Focus on your strength.

Many of us make mistakes by focusing on our weaknesses instead of our strengths. This can lead us to go places where we would not be seen or heard.

How did I focus on my strength?

• I know I am a passionate listener and very meticulous at drafting plans at the eleventh hour.
  
• I don't give up, and I am very resilient.
  
• I am a mother hen; I protect my own passionately.
  
• I don't believe in the word impossible.
  
• I might be late, but I will be the latest when it is my turn.
  
• I will soar to show you how far I can if you tell me I can't.
  
• My black lips are so beautiful.
  
• When I pray, I believe my God has answered because I am His beloved daughter. If He chooses not to grant my request, it simply means He has a better plan ahead.
  

I focused on my strength and gradually began to build a niche for my name.

Today, when my name is heard and people see me, they don't know a lady with masculine palms and feet. They instead see a goal-driven, focused, and purpose-living lady.

I don't know who needs to read this, but here is my word to you: You have focused on your weaknesses for too long. Now is the time to write out your strengths and begin to live in them.

In-between: My shoe size is 42. The day I mistakenly bought 43, it fell off my feet, so I had to give it out. So, after all, my feet and palms aren't that masculine, right?

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My name is Abigail Olasehinde. I am a clinical psychologist, the lead therapist, and the founder of Belwet Mind Clinic. I am open to therapy bookings and consultations, collaboration, referrals, and invitations to speak at organisations and institutions.