How Culture Affects Couples' and if they'll Seek Counselling Near Them
Culture, background, and history all play a part in how couples seek help and whether they would try to find a nearby couples counsellor or a trusted aunty instead.
What would come to your mind if I approached you and asked if you might help me find counselling for couples near me? You would most probably think that there is trouble in paradise, right?
Why do we react in certain ways when it comes to couples counselling? Why do certain ideas creep into our minds when we hear someone is seeking therapy
Culture, family background, societal expectations, norms, and values, all influence how we view things like counselling. Each culture or society has its way of handling relationship issues. For example, in African culture, it is the aunts and uncles who deal with such issues. This is the traditional form of couples counselling.
The way a society is structured influences how we deal with mental health problems. For example, picture a group of little boys taunting another boy, calling him a girl, and shouting "run to your mama and cry". This is a common scenario. The victim, to appear macho, holds in the anger and fear. He could even go home with some bruises inflicted by the bullies and lie he fell off his bike. So what are the chances this little boy will seek help when he grows up, or any type of therapy? Chances are very low because society taught him opening up about your emotions is a sign of weakness; it's like "a little girl running to your mama!" If boys are socialized to believe discussing emotions is a girl thing and is, therefore, a sign of weakness then clearly unhealthy coping mechanisms are ingrained at a very young age. Men are known to be averse to opening up. The idea of seeking couples counselling and discussing personal issues, especially emotions is unappealing, it is unheard of in some societies. A punch on the shoulder is enough therapy.
Women on the other hand women are more likely to open up to a friend, colleague, or someone they feel they can trust. Though I can see if I asked how I can find counselling for couples near me is something that would sound alarm bells. I can hear the whispers "Is there trouble in paradise?" "Is she actually thinking of airing her dirty laundry to a stranger?" This is because, in a male-dominated society, which most societies are, women feel things are skewed against them. Even where the matriarchs are involved, because of cultural bias, even they are inclined to be softer on men because all the while they have to remember their place as women. And if it is a society in which a woman is judged by her marriage, efforts to resolve any issues could be channelled towards keeping the marriage intact rather than providing a solution that is good for all parties involved. As such women might feel it is better to approach someone neutral, like a therapist, who can listen to them without expecting anyone to conform to certain societal standards.
Women are also generally more communicative by nature and prefer to discuss issues, especially in relationships. But because of cultural expectations, especially in a male-dominated society, they are expected to keep their mouths shut and wait to be invited into a conversation. How many times have you heard "women talk too much?" I know I have heard it plenty of times. Sometimes when women try to open up and stand for themselves they get labelled, since most societies are grounded on men being the ones to lead conversations. Labelling though is two-sided as men who try to speak about emotions are also labelled a ‘weak’.
Therefore, when cultural and long-held ideals nurture men to practice restraint when it comes to displaying emotions and women have a mistrust of interventions from society there are bound to be communication problems. These are fertile grounds for relationship issues which if unresolved can develop into a festering wound eating away at bonds which are meant to be healthy. Where there's that disparity, therapists can fill in the gap. Counselling for couples is not only for the married though, it is relevant at any stage of a relationship. Here are some of the issues that couples can seek counselling for:
- Grief
- Trauma
- Substance abuse
- Important life events
- Communication
How Couples' Counselling Fills in the Cultural Gap
Much as cultural background influences how people deal with issues in relationships, there are a lot of benefits for seeking outside intervention. These can go a long way in helping deal with issues and improve relationships regardless of your background.
- Because they are neutral therapists view things in a way that is independent of societal expectations and they analyze things from a purely psychological angle. This creates an environment where the therapist does not feel the need to take sides but seeks to maintain professionalism. It is unbiased therapy that doesn’t seek to please any party.
- Therapists are trained professionals so they can provide that environment where you will be able to open up without feeling the pressure to conform to any societal expectations so men too can open up without worrying about appearing weak. This is because therapies of different kinds are hinged on understanding the human psyche and behaviour regardless of culture.
- Contrary to popular belief, couples counselling is not just for times when there are problems, it is also used to help understand each other better. A couple doesn't always need to be fighting for them to seek help. A therapist can guide a couple to navigate their way to a common goal.
- Couples therapy can help with issues such as self-esteem and communication. Therapists can equip couples with problem-solving, social and coping skills which are relevant in everyday life and have a long-lasting impact on life.
- On a deeper level, therapists can help you understand yourself better. They can help you realize what motivates some of your actions and help you break free from vicious cycles of unhealthy behaviours.
So next time I try to find out about counselling for couples near me, there’s no need to ring alarm bells and whispers. While we respect culture, it is also good to free our minds of biased ideas about seeking help and appreciate the benefits of outside intervention.
Important:
TherapyRoute does not provide medical advice. All content is for informational purposes and cannot replace consulting a healthcare professional. If you face an emergency, please contact a local emergency service. For immediate emotional support, consider contacting a local helpline.
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