Grabbing the Wheel: The Roadmap to Emotional Control

You’re in a speeding car with no recollection of entering the vehicle whatsoever. All of a sudden, you begin to panic. Followed by doing the one thing you know best to do in that situation, panic more. This overwhelming state leaves you numb and detached from the scenario altogether. Suddenly, something compels you to take a deep breath, which spontaneously makes you aware of the fact that the steering wheel is in your hand and the brakes are right under your feet. You suddenly feel in control and manage to stop the vehicle without causing any damage to yourself or anyone around you.

Now, this may or may not have happened to you, but you would agree to some extent that cases like these aren’t rare. You would also agree that you may have visually placed yourself as the driver in the scenario mentioned before. Now, (Yes, Yes, I’m getting there) What if I told you, that you could do the exact same thing with your emotions?

“Why?” you may ask. Well, do you know what the emotional equivalent of a car crash is? If no, then you have died way too many times in the hypothetical scenario mentioned above to the extent where it became ‘normal’ to feel that way.

If yes, then you have successfully unlocked the first stage of controlling your emotions, namely, being aware of them. “Big hoot, Shankul, I’m aware. Now what?”, you might ask. Well, fasten your seatbelts for the rest of this vehicle-analogy fuelled post.

• Emotional Awareness
• Forming an Internal Dialogue
• Choosing
• Taking Responsibility

Emotional Awareness

In order to solve any problem, one must first consciously acknowledge the fact that there is one. Being emotionally aware is quintessential in doing just this. Unless you notice that your car is out of fuel, how else would you realise that you need to go the fuel bunk? (I wasn’t kidding about the vehicle analogies.) Similarly, you need to effectively recognise and acknowledge the presence of specific emotions followed by being aware of what they might transition into, in order to anticipate and amend them. Think of Emotional Awareness as a muscle. The more you exercise it, the more strong and conspicuous it becomes. I bet you’re expecting a gym analogy at this point. Well, too bad. We’re sticking to vehicle ones.

Speaking of vehicle analogies, hold on to your clutch, because we’re about to shift gears.

Forming an Internal Dialogue

Yes, you thought right. Speak to yourself!

Now, some of you may already be doing this and may ask – “Tried it, doesn’t work”. Well, let's just take, for example, a person randomly steps in front of you, berates you, and then swiftly walks away. Now, would this conversation have helped you in any way? I’m guessing no. Similarly, even when you do form internal dialogues, if all you do is blame and belittle yourself, giving rise to further defeating thoughts, then you just gave the word ‘counter-productive’ a new meaning. Thus, in order to avoid this, form healthy internal dialogues where the nature of the conversations is more constructive and healthy.

Choosing

“Alright, I now know why I feel this way. Now what?”

Choose, my friend. Choose to feel something different. Choose not to react. The primary reason why people face issues with this is that they are obscured by the illusion that they are powerless. Why? Because whether they realise it or not, they are choosing to feel powerless. It is essential to remember that even if you can’t change an event, you can definitely choose how to feel about it.

Taking Responsibility

That’s right, if your car breaks down and stops working because you didn't take care of it, that’s on you, my friend.

The day you realise that only you are responsible for your own mental health is the day when change will truly begin to occur, as responsibility automatically gives birth to autonomy, and autonomy gives rise to empowerment. This significant transition is what you will need to effectively take control of what should have ideally been under your control from the beginning.

So, gather your wrenches and pliers and get to work, because only you are responsible for fixing it. Why? Because no one knows your inner workings better than yourself! Believe me, if your car had the ability to fix itself, it would.

References

Gross, J. J. (2015). Emotion regulation: Current status and future prospects. Psychological Inquiry, 26(1), 1–26.

Neff, K. D. (2003). Self-compassion: An alternative conceptualization of a healthy attitude toward oneself. Self and Identity, 2(2), 85–101.

Lazarus, R. S., & Folkman, S. (1984). Stress, Appraisal, and Coping. Springer Publishing.

Rotter, J. B. (1966). Generalized expectancies for internal versus external control of reinforcement. Psychological Monographs, 80(1), 1–28.